The Way the World Works

In the aftermath of the wildfires in California, at least two residents returned to their homes only to find new and unwelcome tenants, the Los Angeles Times reported. Homeowner Sean Lorenzini evacuated during the Eaton fire, and upon his return found a black bear sleeping in the crawl space under his home and lounging by the pool during the day. The large bear seemed to be foraging in neighbors’ trash bins and was probably behind an attack on a neighbor’s pet goat, Lorenzini said. “It’s definitely not moving,” he said. He’s hoping to get the California Department of Fish and Wildlife to help after they relocated a 525-pound bear at the end of January. In that case, the Altadena-area bear was lured into a trap with peanut butter and rotisserie chicken, then moved to Angeles National Forest. The wildlife agency told Lorenzini that after his bear is removed, he’ll need to seal up the crawl space, as it will probably try to return. “I know we’re encroaching on their territory,” Lorenzini said of the bear, “so I’m sympathetic to that. But at the same time … I’m exposed if anyone gets hurt. This is a wild animal.”

Least Competent Criminals

An observant deputy was credited with foiling the attempts of Jose Francisco Herrera Munoz, 18, and Angel Gonzales Gutierrez, 19, to launch illegal drugs into the U.S. Penitentiary Pollock in Grant Parish, Louisiana, Denver7-TV reported on Feb. 18. Both men are from Greeley, Colorado. Munoz and Gutierrez had planned to use a compressed air cannon, which has a range of 350 feet, to send $112,000 worth of tobacco and $89,500 worth of methamphetamine over the prison wall, but the deputy acted before they could make the delivery. “That much meth would have just been devastating in that population,” said Sheriff Steven McCain. They were charged with attempting to introduce contraband into a penal institution and attempting to distribute meth.

What’s in a Name?

• When Nontra Null, 41, of Burbank, California, tried to apply for a visa to attend a friend’s wedding in India, she kept getting the same response: The computer couldn’t process the application. Turns out “null” is a troublesome name when it comes to filling out online forms. Yahoo! News reported on Feb. 23 that when “null” is entered in a field, it essentially means, well, nothing. Jan Null, a 75-year-old meteorologist, learned to reserve hotel rooms adding his first initial to his last name, and security auditor Joseph Tartaro, whose vanity license plate reads NULL, keeps getting random traffic tickets from all over the United States. Modern software has addressed the problem, but not everyone has upgraded, one tech researcher noted. 

• Jason Kilburn of Omaha, Nebraska, learned about his daughter Caroline only after she was born, he told NBC News on Feb. 24. At her birth in November 2022, her mother had her placed with a foster family, but before that could happen, the baby received a certificate of live birth with a bizarre name: Unakite Thirteen Hotel. Kilburn was told it was a “computer-generated name.” Now, as Kilburn raises Caroline and tries to get a birth certificate with her given name, he’s stuck in a “circuitous, bureaucratic loop.” Without the birth certificate and a Social Security number, he can’t secure health insurance or child care. Just to get a routine checkup, Kilburn has to pay about $700 out of pocket. “It’s not like I’m trying to pull something here,” he said. “This is stuff she’s entitled to as any American is.” The Social Security Administration has issued a Social Security number, albeit with the original unusual name, and the Nebraska Department of Health and Human Services is working with Kilburn to straighten out Caroline’s mess. 

Phobia Report

Leigh Woodman, 32, of Bristol, England, suffers from a crippling fear of a common condiment: mortuusequusphobia, or fear of ketchup. The New York Post reported on Feb. 20 that Woodman likens seeing ketchup with “being held at gunpoint” on the trauma scale. “I can’t even look at a bottle or have it anywhere near me,” she said. “It makes me feel panicky.” While her mother claims Woodman liked ketchup as a child, she can’t remember a time when the popular condiment didn’t upset her. 

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