Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Bianca Knows Best ... and Helps a Prospective Single Mother

Posted By on Tue, May 26, 2009 at 1:20 PM

Dear Bianca,

I'm almost 30 years old, and my biological clock is ticking. I've been single for years, and I doubt I'll be meeting Mr. Right anytime soon, so I've decided to adopt.

I work with kids every day at my job, and I feel ready to make this major step in my life. However, my father is staunchly opposed to my decision. He doesn't want his grandchild to be raised in a single-parent home, and I think he'd rather his first grandchild be born to me rather than adopted.

He's told me that if I go through with this, he won't have anything to do with my adopted child. I certainly don't want a kid growing up with no grandpa (my mom is dead, so the child would be grandmother-less as well), but I know I'm ready to adopt. What should I do?

-- Single Mom To Be

Dear Single Mom,

Though your eggs will probably still be good for a few more years, you should definitely listen to your instincts on this one. If you can't wait for a partner to come along, you should do what you believe is right. Almost 30 is certainly old enough to start raising a family. If you feel ready, go for it.

You might try explaining to your dad that you really want a son or daughter, and you don't want to settle by reproducing with the first guy who comes along. Single parents raise perfectly healthy children all the time, and many do so unprepared, after getting accidentally knocked up.

Adoptive parents are often far more prepared to raise a child, since adopting is a choice rather than a consequence. Your dad should be happy be about that.

If he has a heart at all, I'm sure your father will come around once he meets his new granddaughter or grandson. I know it's a little different, but my parents weren't crazy about my tendency to adopt every stray cat in sight, until those kitties curled up in their laps. Who can resist a kitten or a cute, adopted baby?

Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com.

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