Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Elvis 2.0 Will Make the King Palatable to 13-Year-Old-Girls, Consultant Says

Posted By on Wed, Jan 8, 2014 at 3:48 PM

  • E2.0

Citing a need for a fresh look to attract a new generation of fans, Memphis politicians, tourism advisors, and representatives of Elvis Presley unveiled today at a press conference Elvis 2.0, an updated image of “The King of Rock and Roll, Hip-Hop, and Alternative Style Electronica.”

“It was getting a little stale making a guy nearly 80 years old look cool to the newer generations,” said Mandy Nerve, the lead designer of the updated Elvis. “This new Elvis is hip and totally rad to the core for newer generations to enjoy!”

“This ain’t your grandma’s Elvis!’ proclaimed tourism director, Rider Kotetale, as he revealed a portrait of the new Elvis 2.0 riding a skateboard while eating his favorite snack, a slice of banana and peanut butter pizza.

Elvis 2.0, is also accompanied by some new supporting characters like DJ Pink, a sassy talking, techno-loving, pink Cadillac, and his manager, Colonel Porker, a high-strung pig that tries his best to keep the over-the-top King in line the best he can.

Elvis 2.0’s catchphrase is also updated to “Thanx!, Thanx Totes, LOL!”

The team hopes to produce a cartoon series, new line of movies directed by Michael Bay, and also a toy-line. A breakfast cereal called “Tupel-Os” will be hitting shelves in a few weeks as well.

Dubstep remixes of Elvis 2.0 songs are now available for download exclusively on iTunes.

Kotetale ended the press conference exclaiming “Elvis 2.0! The building. We Out!” before dropping the mic, causing severe feedback for several minutes.

Edward Valibus is a distinguished archduke of Lithuania currently residing in Memphis, TN. He spends his days frittering away his wealth making independent cinema with his production team Corduroy Wednesday. He holds the current world record for eating the most pudding cups in one hour and is a special contributor to Fly on the Wall

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