Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Before there was a Memphis Flyer there was a Dixie Flyer. Before there was a Fly on the Wall there was a Bluff Town Buffoon

Posted By on Tue, Jul 29, 2014 at 2:41 PM

Are you from Dixie?
  • Are you from Dixie?

I recently interviewed Gordon Alexander, a Memphis artist and businessman who was also music editor for the Dixie Flyer, an alternative newspaper the preceded and inspired the Memphis Flyer. Our primary topic of discussion was Ed Perry, a locally-trained artist who passed recently, leaving behind an extraordinary body of work. We also talked briefly about Alexander's time with the Dixie Flyer, and after the interview he sent a couple of great sample details from Memphis' original bastion of alt-journalism. But that's not all he sent.

Feeling lucky, punk?
  • Feeling lucky, punk?

Alexander also launched a funny paper inspired by National Lampoon called the Bluff Town Buffoon. This shot is a sample from the Buffoon's sex issue.

Is that a monument in your pocket?
  • Is that a monument in your pocket?

We here at Fly on the Wall like to honor those who came before us, paving the way for the kind of silliness we now provide on at least a semi-regular basis. So here's to the Buffoon.

Salute!

What's Your Favorite Thing About The Commercial Appeal's Digital Redesign?

Posted By on Tue, Jul 29, 2014 at 1:57 PM

Well, what is it? The absence of the cheesy Memphis skyline profile, maybe? Or possibly the inclusion of wacky click bait with ledes like, "In the truth is stranger than fiction department..."

We get the homophonic irony but beetles eat trees all the time. Its not all that strange, really.
  • We get the homophonic irony but beetles eat trees all the time. It's not all that strange, really.

The Fly-Team's favorite feature has to be the Commercial Appeal's “Kilroy was here”-style headshots. You know—

like this.

Dude.
  • Dude.

And this.

Dude!
  • Dude!

And this.

DUDE!
  • DUDE!

Your Pesky Fly has managed a few blogs in his time and is all too familiar with the phenomenon of uploading photos that look great in a preview but mysteriously post sideways or upside down, or photos that self-crop in odd and inappropriate ways. These things happen. But since receiving its new digital makeover there are some image posting quirks at the CA that are so consistent they almost seem like a design choice. So the CA wants to show readers what these guys might look like peeking in a window, maybe?

In a few more extreme cases the images are cropped even higher. This is former CA managing editor Otis Sanford’s literal head shot as it appeared next to a story about his induction into the Tennessee Journalists Hall of Fame.

Otis
  • Otis

TV-5 anchor Joe Birch, is also being inducted and was given the same hairy treatment. Of course Joe is immediately recognizable.

Joe
  • Joe

To give readers some perspective, this is what the headshots look like in context.

Otis & Joe
  • Otis & Joe

Sunday, July 20, 2014

The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics: 7/20/14

Posted By on Sun, Jul 20, 2014 at 4:54 PM

image.jpg

Fishing with lies! Sensitive Vikings! Melting Pets! Guest commentary from a toddler! All this and more on The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics!

All that and more on this episode of The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics.

The Howling Monkey Reads the Comics is a feature of The Howling Monkey blog. Joey Hack is a regular contributor to The Fly on the Wall blog, and is a member of The Wiseguys.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Six Completely Screwed Up Things Judge Joe Brown Has Said About Women. And Men Who Act Like Women.

Posted By on Fri, Jul 18, 2014 at 3:19 PM

Joe & friends
  • Joe & friends

Politics is the ultimate reality show. That's especially true in Memphis this election year thanks to the mud-slinging antics of former Judge turned TV arbitrator Joe Brown, who recently accused his political opponent, District Attorney Amy Weirich of being gay and in the closet. Brown's subsequent apology for the attempted public shaming generously allows that gays have nothing to be ashamed of, blaming the victim of the intended gay smear because she doesn't do more to support LGBT rights.

The only surprising thing about this dustup is that people were surprised. It's not like Weirich is the first person Judge Joe has accused of being gay on the “down low.” Judge Joe’s long history as an arbiter of proper gender conduct suggests he has a serious problem with women, especially if they don't have a man. Why you may ask? Because women without men raise boys who act like women, which more or less implies that there must be something wrong with the way women act in the first place. For fifteen seasons the celebrity judge presided over a make believe courtroom, slut-shaming and ball-busting his way to becoming America’s second favorite TV judge, just ahead of The People’s Court's Marilyn Milian, but well behind Judge Judy. But there’s a dirty little not-so-secret secret about popular courtroom programming. It’s nothing like an actual courtroom, and critics have long worried that it warps viewers’ sense of how our legal system actually works. The combative and openly biased behavior TV judges regularly engage in to score big on a daytime/late night reality shows would merit disciplinary action in the real world.

This is a gavel, which is sometimes called a skank hammer.
  • This is a gavel, which is sometimes called a "skank hammer."

Court shows are typically confrontational reality TV, and that kind of programming has always trucked in manufactured drama, aggression, poorsploitation and heterosexist culture-bating. And like I said, when it came to bringing in the ratings, Judge Joe was always a big #2, swirling around the commode of trash television.

Here are just a few of the wacky things the tough-loving judge has said about women. And Men who act like women.

Poor Snidely Whiplash. He was probably raised in a single parent home without a man to teach him man things.
  • Poor Snidely Whiplash. He was probably raised in a single parent home without a man to teach him man things.

1. Men are Weak, Women are Weaker: Judge Joe Brown describes himself as a "Defender of Womanhood,” and a “Promoter of Manhood." It’s practically the guy’s motto. And what’s wrong with defending womanhood and promoting manhood, anyway? Isn’t that chivalry, or something? It’s certainly Medieval, right?


The cast of the musical Camelot explains the true meaning of chivalry.

I’m not going to spend too much time with this because it’s pretty self-explanatory and the other entries are solid examples of just how screwed up an idea it is. By making this his mission Judge Joe is basically saying that women require a strong man to protect them from weaker men and also from intrinsic weaknesses of the feminine kind. When Joe talks about promoting manhood what he’s actually promoting is anti-girlishness in men.

2. Thugs are bad because they act like women and homosexuals aren't strong role models: Judge Joe thinks men have “too many puny ‘role models.’” In April, 2012, at a "Men’s Day program" held in in the Hathaway-Howard Fine Arts Center on the Pine Bluff Campus of the University of Arkansas, he supported his unified puny dude theory by listing numerous examples of unmanly male role models: “prima donna” athletes, “uninformed” journalists, “self-serving” politicians, homosexuals in the entertainment industry,” and… wait, what? Why are homosexuals puny role models? And more importantly, what would “prima donna” athlete and openly gay defensive end Michael Sams have to say about that?

Clearly a gangbanger. Probably a woman.
  • Clearly a 'gangbanger." Probably a woman.

But wait, there’s more.

“Gangbangers and would-be thugs are really nothing but girls, not men,” he continued. “Boys with bling don’t have jobs because they think some woman somewhere will be silly enough to support them. It requires moral and physical courage to be a real man, and that’s why you need an education. People need your leadership.”

The shorter Joe: It takes moral and physical courage to not be a girl. Ladies, take note.


3. Pretty women are insecure and easier to deal with than ugly women: “I don’t deal with ugly women,” Judge Joe told some adoring fans one night after he had been drinking.


Beauty is only skin deep but life's too short for ugly chicks.

A widely-shared video clip shows Brown seating young ladies on his knee and pontificating on the differences between pretty and ugly women. So why does Judge Joe prefer pretty girls? Because,““Pretty women are insecure,” and therefore easier to deal with.

Well duh! Anybody who's ever tried to exploit somebody's weakness for personal satisfaction knows that.

4. If you act gay, you’re gay. And it might be contagious: Once upon a time Cracked, the humor magazine turned online list-factory decided to infiltrate the weird world of cheaply-manufactured court TV. The storyline Cracked developed was irresistible: A man asked his friend to hire strippers for his bachelor party. Only the man hired male strippers and now the groom to be isn’t just single, he’s gay. Ridiculous, right? So ridiculous, in fact, that every major Hollywood courtroom wanted them.

Its possible that this list is a Cracked ripoff. Okay, this list is a Cracked ripoff
  • It's possible that this list is a "Cracked" ripoff. Okay, this list is a "Cracked" ripoff


Cracked took its case to Judge Joe who, before ruling in favor of the plaintiff, attempted an outing of the defendant: "If you hired these people, obviously you might like what they have to offer...If there was a time for you to come out of the closet, this is the time for you to do it." It’s unclear what bearing the defendant's sexual orientation had on the case or the plaintiff’s amazing transformation.

1977244_10202541362398685_1893129136513610568_n.jpg

5. Single mothers are to blame for pretty much everything: A 15-year old male student accused of pushing a female classmate told Judge Joe he’d been called a “bitch.” Judge Joe’s response: “Maybe you were acting like one. Sounds like it to me. You’ve got earrings in your ears.”


Then Brown dressed down the boy’s mother: “You know what your problem is lady? Let’s get to you first so I’ll get it out of the way. There is no man in this boy’s life to give him man training. You’re the mother and you condone him going off and doing such physical injury to this young woman woman [cross talk]. Be quiet! [Crosstalk]. Now mam. He does not have a man in his life to give him man training. You take the position in writing that you condone what he did to this young lady… When there is no man in a boy’s life and his mother says his transgressions violently on other females is okay, where do I go from there but to say maybe, maybe what’s going on is because these single mothers with a lot of babies at home don’t want the man around, and then teach their sons to do the same bloody thing. And I’m looking at him with two earrings in his ears, and I’m listening to what she has said he was called, reading what the school report says and I’m thinking to myself that was a pretty apt description of this aggressive young girl over here. Not that one [the actual girl], the young girl standing to your left [the boy.]

Judge Joe, in the spirit of every schoolyard bully ever, called the teen boy a "sissy.” That was just the warm up for an epic rant about manliness and the failings of women. “You punk,” he continued. “You spineless, girl-acting, unmanly little cretin, what’s wrong with you? Then you’re gonna try to demonstrate some kind of attitude toward me? Roll your eyes? C’mon. Play girl. I’m getting a good demonstration. And you give me this nasty unmanly attitude about some young lady provoked you, using some language against you… Man’s got an obligation to protect womanhood. That has been my lifetime avocation. Protecting womanhood and promoting manhood."

Hitting and pushing is troubling behavior. Seeding gender insecurity is clearly the solution!

6. If you don’t stand up straight you might be on the down low: After accusing a male defendant, whose activities had nothing to do with sex or sexuality of being potentially gay on the down low Judge Joe decided to stir the pot until it boiled. “What I used to see was, when there was a man standing at the podium, what he was doing was behaving in a certain way,” he said. “And I saw the young ladies and they would act in a certain way. And what’s interesting is over the last twelve years I’ve been doing this particular arbitration thing I’m doing right now, and considering [crosstalk]... Be quiet! The 20 years I have done this before I have noticed an interesting transition. The boys are beginning to act like the girls used to in terms of their body language, rolling eyes, head up, hand on hip, moving around. Women, since time immemorial have talked over someone who’s tried to address them and you are talking over me just like you are a woman. So when you start acting like one, sounding like one, moving like one, then I’m going to put it out there.”

Happens all the time.
  • Happens all the time.

After provoking the defendant in ways unbecoming in an actual courtroom and making presumptive comments about the defendant’s mother, Judge Joe called the LAPD to arrest the defendant for mirroring his own bad, womanly behavior.

Tags: , , , ,

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Graceland Too Owner Found Dead 36 Hours After Fatally Shooting a Man

Posted By on Thu, Jul 17, 2014 at 3:27 PM

God Bless at Graceland Too
  • "God Bless" at Graceland Too


Graceland Too is a deeply weird place, and what appears to be the sad final chapter of this roadside attraction's story is no less strange. The museum's founder, Paul McLeod, shot a man at his door earlier this week. He initially claimed self defense, but the story is turning out to be somewhat more complex. Less than 36-hours after the shooting, McLeod was also found dead on his own porch in a rocking chair. Early reports suggest his death was the result of natural causes, but the investigation is ongoing.


Every square inch of Graceland II is covered in Elvis memorabilia. Piled with it, in many cases. And McLeod, the museum's live-in curator, was an intense host. His mile-a-minute talking tours of the 24-hour, seven-day-a-week shrine in Holly Springs Mississippi might include` off-color jokes, snippets of songs, some trivia about Presley, or a story from one of the 120 Presley concerts he claimed to have attended. Or he might rant about the price of a gallon of paint. On a good day, when his false teeth weren’t slipping too much, McLeod could cram all of that into his opening paragraph. For those unaccustomed to his stream of consciousness style, it could be a little unnerving.

“Okay, I hope I ain’t got to shoot nobody,” McLeod says in one of many YouTube clips documenting the weird Graceland Too experience. McLeod’s grumbling comment was a response to late night visitors who’d come banging on the door for “the tour.”

“I’ve got a hundred thousand dollars in guns here,”McLeod warned. Last week that line just seemed like more colorful banter from a quirky character. In light of current events it seems at least a little more ominous.

Fatally Shots Man Headline from the Clarion-Ledger
  • "Fatally Shots Man" Headline from the Clarion-Ledger

According to McLeod his museum has been visited by three American presidents, representatives from Fidel Castro’s Cuban government, and Mr. T on a night when the A-Team star had imbibed a few too many drinks. Around 11 p.m. on Tuesday, July 15 McLeod was visited by 28-year-old guitar player and handyman Dwight David Taylor who may have been attempting to secure work or to collect money owed to him for a previous painting job. Taylor was shot in the chest with a single .45-caliber bullet.

Taylor has been described as being indigent.

McLeod told police that Taylor had come asking for money and had forced his way into the house. No charges had been filed.

Graceland Too
  • Graceland Too

Graceland II is currently closed to the public and the future of the roadside attraction is uncertain.

Monday, July 14, 2014

The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics: 7/13/14

Posted By on Mon, Jul 14, 2014 at 7:09 AM

Screen_Shot_2014-07-14_at_7.07.53_AM.png

Teens love music! Dog toothpaste! Arlo looks for a cup!

All that and more on this episode of The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics.

The Howling Monkey Reads the Comics is a feature of The Howling Monkey blog. Joey Hack is a regular contributor to The Fly on the Wall blog, and is a member of The Wiseguys.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

7 Fairly Shocking Photos of Famous Memphians Without Their Skin

Posted By on Thu, Jul 10, 2014 at 2:28 PM

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Elvis Miracles Reported in the UK and Online

Posted By on Wed, Jul 9, 2014 at 4:03 PM

From the UK Mail:

A party of friends have admitted they were all shook up when the King's face appeared in the ashes of a garden fire.
Elvis' face can clearly be seen charred onto a paving stone after a group of friends swept up and is still a week later.

Return to Cinder: Ashy Elvis and Our Elvis of the $11 Phone Card
  • Return to Cinder: Ashy Elvis and Our Elvis of the $11 Phone Card

In related news, this video is pure genius.

Potty Poetry in City Hall

Posted By on Wed, Jul 9, 2014 at 2:02 PM

Your Pesky Fly is committed to bringing readers the absolute best of Memphis messaging. This extraordinary piece of bathroom poetry isn't new, nor has it been hidden. This potentially important artifact has been hanging in the men's room off the hall of mayors at city hall for years and years.

Most variations of the anonymously attributed Sprinkle/Tinkle/Sweetie/Seatie rhyme — even those rendered in lyrical needlepoint— end with the couplet. This variation, possibly created by committee or consensus, is noteworthy for its use of the word "defecate," and forced deployment of the word "dwell."


Sometimes attributed to Edward de Vere, the 17th Earl of Oxford
  • Sometimes attributed to Edward de Vere, the 17th Earl of Oxford

The message, nevertheless, remains timeless.

Monday, July 7, 2014

In Which Fly On the Wall Makes Fun of Fly on the Wall

Posted By on Mon, Jul 7, 2014 at 11:49 AM

Posting while shaving: Always a bad idea
  • Posting while shaving: Always a bad idea
Oops. Your Pesky Fly makes fun of everybody else in town when they do something especially dumb in print. What comes around goes around. After being away from my laptop over the weekend the first thing I noticed was a calendar alert notifying me that I'd missed the anniversary of the Sex Pistols Memphis concert, which had been June 6, 1978. So, I promptly created a post at FOTW.

Only the actual show was Jan 6, 1978. Not July 6.

So instead of it being a belated celebration, it was an early one.

I regret the error. But it is the half-year anniversary. And I never regret posting the video.

Happy Belated Sex Pistols in Memphis Day

Posted By on Mon, Jul 7, 2014 at 9:38 AM

It sneaks up on me every year. On July 6th, 1978 the Sex Pistols played the Taliesyn Ballroom on Union Avenue, now the site of Memphis' most punk rock Taco Bell.

To celebrate— if somewhat belatedly— here's a recording of the concert.

UPDATE: Oops. Your Pesky Fly makes fun of everybody else in town when they do something especially dumb in print. What comes around goes around. After being away from my laptop over the weekend the first thing I noticed was a calendar alert notifying me that I'd missed the anniversary of the Sex Pistols Memphis concert, which had been June 6, 1978. So, I promptly created a post at FOTW.

Only the actual show was Jan 6, 1978. Not July 6.

So instead of it being a belated celebration, it was an early one.

It is the half-year anniversary. Still, I regret the error. But I never regret posting the video.

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Supreme Court Upholds Witch Burning, Throwing Stuff At Women

Posted By on Tue, Jul 1, 2014 at 3:35 PM

Following a series of recent decisions in which the nation's highest court has upheld the Constitutional right to holler rude stuff at women and upheld the right of employers to decide what kinds of health care women should get, Justices of the United States Supreme Court today issued a series of rare sua sponte rulings on women's rights.

The Rock People of the Supreme Court judge you harshly.
  • The Rock People of the Supreme Court judge you harshly.
In three 5-4 decisions split along gender lines, Justices Alito, Roberts, Scalia, Thomas, and swing vote Kennedy, issued decisions upholding actual and potential laws that do or could impact women.

In People v. Witches, the Court stated that states could lawfully burn women at the stake if they have a reasonable basis to believe they are "practitioners of the dark arts." The opinion noted it was a very narrow decision that "does not apply to warlocks, necromancers, or prestidigitators. We limit today's ruling to witches and witches only."

In Dudes v. Mouthy Broads, the Court held that any law that prohibits men from throwing stuff at women who are too vocal in their opinions are not lawful under the little known "don't get uppity" clause of the U.S. Constitution. "The right to chuck an apple or what not at a woman who is too full of herself is deeply ingrained in our nation's heritage as well as our Constitution," the opinion stated. The opinion added, in what most see as legal dicta, that "girls have cooties."

In a final decision issued today, the Supreme Court in Kitchens v. Shoes upheld any law that would require "all females to be positioned in the cooking area of their domicile between the hours of 5 and 6 p.m. on any given day. Such laws could also require that such individuals have feet unencumbered by footwear."

"These laws, even if they do not yet exist, form an important part of our heritage and jurisprudential history. Besides, women, am I right?"

Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg authored a dissent that simply stated. "I give up."

Joey Hack is a regular contributor to the Fly on the Wall Blog, and is a member of The Wiseguys improv troupe.

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