Thursday, September 18, 2014

Hunka Hunka Burning Booze: Man Named Elvis Presley Convicted of Throwing a Molotov Cocktail into a Liquor Store

Posted By on Thu, Sep 18, 2014 at 2:54 PM

Fly on the Wall tries to avoid the over use of "hunka hunka" but sometimes nothing else will do. Fifty-seven-year-old Elvis Presley Strickland has been convicted of aggravated arson for throwing a Molotov cocktail into an occupied liquor store. 

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Want to Buy Johnny Cash's Rolls-Royce?

Posted By on Thu, Sep 18, 2014 at 1:20 PM

Oh, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day. But Instead I'll just ride around in this sweet Rolls.
  • Oh, I'd love to wear a rainbow every day. But Instead I'll just ride around in this sweet Rolls.

Fly on the Wall has documented lots of Elvis related auctions, ranging for the sublime to the ridiculous, but the King of Rock-and-Roll wasn't the only Sun Studio mega-star to indulge in a little extravagance here and there. And this Johnny Cash-related opportunity is a dream come true for a collector with deep pockets. 

Cash's music was deeply American, but when it came to cars he could be a bit of an Anglophile, with a taste for the Rolls-Royce driving experience. The Man in Black's appropriately-colored 1970 Silver Shadow is now currently up for grabs. The final hammer falls at Barrett-Jackson auctions in Las Vegas later this month. 

It's a 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, automobile.
  • It's a 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68, 69, 70, automobile.

The car is a relative pup having accumulated only 32,000 miles since it was built to order by Mr. JRC whose initials are monogrammed in gold on the rear doors.  

I've been everywhere (NOT!)
  • I've been everywhere (NOT!)

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Sunday, September 14, 2014

The Howling Monkey Reads The Comic: 9/14/14

Posted By on Sun, Sep 14, 2014 at 10:10 AM

A dirty van! Arlo likes football! Motivating Vikings! Snakes! All that and more in this episode of The Howling Monkey Reads The Comics!

The Howling Monkey Reads the Comics is a feature of The Howling Monkey blog. Joey Hack is a regular contributor to The Fly On The Wall blog and is a member of The Wiseguys improv troupe.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

News from Memphis: This "Motherf$*@ing Flood" Video Goes Viral

Posted By on Thu, Sep 11, 2014 at 4:11 PM


The thing about live TV... it's live. It's a lesson one WMC news reporter learned today as she attempted to report on what one area resident described as "Motherfucking flooding."

Apparently it has "motherfucking flooded" in said resident's neighborhood four times. Or maybe 5 times. It's kind of hard to motherfucking tell really. Anyway, Gawker got ahold of the video and it was off to the races.

The Gawker video seems to only play intermittently, probably due to traffic. So here's an alternative link. Enjoy.

Best part for me? The wild whoop from the newsroom. But I have to be honest. For all of the realness in this Memphis clip, it just can't compare to the more subtle, but every bit as awesome footage from KSTP-TV in Minneapolis.

UPDATE: You know, this slice of vintage Memphis has absolutely nothing to do with the above. But somehow, it just belongs here.

Monday, September 8, 2014

Insensitive Dunk Tank Clown Proves Something We're Just Not Sure What

Posted By on Mon, Sep 8, 2014 at 6:59 PM

Clowny Clown Clown
  • Clowny Clown Clown

Mid-Southerners were shocked when a vile-seeming man with clown-like features made racist remarks at the Delta Fair, which was considered to be a “safe” and "family friendly" alternative to the Mid-South Fair, before the Mid-South Fair also relocated to a “safer” and more "family friendly" location, far, far away from the enemies if home, hearth and drunk, shirtless relations eating fried butter and checking out the world’s smallest horse together.

According to reports the antagonistic "dunk tank clown” was heckling Tanya Jones and her family, going so far as to describe her hair as ‘unbeweavable.’

In an attempt to address several media biases in an actual but still ridiculous interview, Fly on the Wall, contacted Larry Clark, a professional clown who has worked with Ringling Bros. Barnum & Bailey and the Cirque Du Soleil, and asked him what he has to say about this incident and how it reflects on a clown culture torn apart by fast little cars, painted women, and clown on clown violins.

Fly on the Wall: Larry Clark, you are a professional clown who has worked with RIngling Bros., and the Cirque . How does this incident reflect on a clown culture torn apart by fast little cars, painted women, and clown on clown...

Larry Clark : Uggggggggg! Here we go again!

Fly on the Wall: I was going to say ‘violins.” Like violence only...

Larry Clark: Ok quick question Chris, I have a computer does that me a newspaper columnist? No!

Fly on the Wall: That’s a strange question, but being a clown, I thought you might have something to say about what this says about clown people.

Larry Clark: if I was to put on a lab coat, would that make me a doctor? No of course not!

Fly on the Wall: Would you have an itty-bitty ambulance?

FOX Carolina 21

Larry Clark: So just because some toothless tilt-a-whirl operator put on a $12 halloween mask that does not make him a real clown!

Fly on the Wall: So, is the media just painting all clowns and clown-like roustabouts will with the same wide, mostly white brush?

Larry Clark: The dunk tank guy’s job is to heckle you to say the rudest uncool things to get you riled to gladly shuck over $20 for 3 softballs to hit a small metal target to knock him into a barrel of rusty water!

Fly on the Wall: Oh, so now he’s just a poor misunderstood insult-comic doing his job the way it’s been done since the invention of dunk tanks. Other people— not me of course because I don’t see clown/not clown— might say that you’re just defending this guy because he really is a clown.

Larry Clark: I am not saying its ok to be racist. He should get what’s coming for saying those things!

Fly on the Wall: Well, that is disappointingly reasonable. I was hoping for something that might gin up culture skirmishes in comments, or at least get people talking about how this is strong anecdotal evidence that the widespread fear of clowns isn’t completely irrational.

Oh well. Maybe next time.

Racially Charged Assault Great for Racists, Racists Say

Posted By on Mon, Sep 8, 2014 at 1:44 PM

Memphis Police have arrested at least four minors in an incident that rocked social media over the weekend. An online video showed a group of more than 20 teenagers engage in a violent spree at the Kroger in Poplar Plaza in which three people were injured.

The video, which showed a group of African American teens in the parking lot, and documented one young White Kroger employee being assaulted, has caused a great deal of discussion.

“Look, it’s a terrible thing that happened here, but it really helps me out,” said Memphis resident Rick Rolle. “If nothing else, it’s given me an opportunity to voice my views more freely.”

“Where’s the Black community on this? How come we haven’t heard from Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson or George Washington Carver calling this a hate crime? And let’s not hold our breath waiting for Obama to get involved, because, well, you know why,” Rolle said.

Rolle believes that this incident affords an opportunity for honest dialogue. “For example, after this, I feel comfortable using the word ‘thugs’ to describe young, Black males without any fear of criticism. If this happens again, I’ll feel free to drop straight up racial slurs. So, I’m hoping that works out.”

Others find dialogue more difficult in the wake of this incident. “Well, this is terrible. It’s hard to see a group of young people attack another young person. But let’s not make this a racial issue. I don’t see color at all, so who is to say what race anyone involved in this was? I think you’d have to be a racist to see the clear facts, right?” asked Memphian Jenny Flex. “For all we know there were a dozen kids off screen of a different race — whatever that race may be — from the kids we saw in the video. Right? Right? Besides, that poor young man who got attacked may have been targeted because of any reason in the world. There’s no way to know if race was a factor. Right? Please tell me I’m right.”

Where most people do agree is in criticizing the Kroger employee who took the video of the incident and put it online. “This young woman who took this video should be ashamed,” said Memphian Matt Hatter, as he watched the video for the 24th time. “It’s just a shame.”

Joey Hack is a regular contributor to the Fly on the Wall Blog and is a member of The Wiseguys improv troupe.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Anti-Hipsters Meet In Bartlett

Posted By on Thu, Sep 4, 2014 at 2:59 PM

Americas card game: Uno
  • America's card game: Uno
Members of a growing group of so-called “anti-hipsters” met this week for their first convention in Bartlett.

“We considered Cooper-Young, but really like the vibe of the 'burbs,” Anti-Hipster Association (AHA) president Cheryl Barnes said. “They’ve got lots of great chain restaurants here that we can enjoy unironically.”

Members of AHA strive to be “annoying like conventional hipsters, only in the complete opposite way,” Barnes said, as she switched her Pandora station to a Green Day station. “I love these guys. American Idiot is really great.”

AHA members take part in various activities and panels at their convention. Hank Sinke spoke at the panel titled “All The Great Stuff On Television”.

“We were talking about the Game of Thrones series when someone asked me if I’d read the books. Well, I told him in no uncertain terms that I don’t have any books in my house. That put him in his place,” Sinke said.

Convention goers also met for a late night “Games and Beers” session, during which they played some UNO.

“These late night sessions are great, but tiring,” said AHA member Raymond Garza. “I always feel like I ought to shave before going to bed just to avoid having too much facial hair.”

The AHA convention continues today with panels including “Traditional Media Is Ok By Me!”, “Artisan:Shmartisan”, and “Bicycles: Who Needs Them When Our Cars Work Just Fine? (Answer: No One).”

“I’m not sure if this is a growing movement that represents a shift in social paradigms, or if it’s just a bunch of dopes,” said Dr. Evelyn Norman, University of Tennessee Sociology Professor. “But it seems like it’s just a bunch of dopes.”

Joey Hack is a member of the Wiseguys improv troupe, and is a regular contributor to the Fly On The Wall Blog.

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Different but Equal Beale Street Planned for Frayser

Posted By on Wed, Sep 3, 2014 at 5:07 PM

Citing increased tensions and outrage over a potential cover charge for the privilege of entering Beale Street, the Beale Street Development Corporation of Frayser (BSDCOF), an offshoot of the existing Beale Street Development Corporation, announced today that they plan to unveil a new Beale Street “close to Downtown Memphis” which will be free of charge to enter at all times. The new Beale is currently being described as separate from but just as nice as "the real Beale.”

“We are so excited for this new direction we are taking with our properties,” said BSDCOF spokesperson Harrison Gunderson. “Once we get our perfectly fine second location up and running, we have some dramatic renovations planned for Old Beale as well. We hope to make it a living history museum by restoring the buildings and general demeanor to standards of the Old South.”

“We’ll even get to use some real historical memorabilia that my family’s had hidden in the basement for reasons I don’t need to get into,” Gunderson added, proudly holding a sign partially obscured by ash and dirt that read “W TES LY”.

Prospective Old Beale Street patrons will be randomly stopped and frisked by officers based on a proprietary formula, and subsequently undergo a credit check before entering the property. Those deemed unworthy or unable to afford Old Beale Street will be bused to the "new downtown location" for more suitable frivolity.

Asked whether New Beale would maintain the same police presence afforded to Old Beale, the BSDCOF team stared incredulously at reporters, before leaving the podium without comment.

New Beale is located in Frayser, just around the corner from Captain D's.

In related news, never mind.

Robert Callahan is an expatriate Wise Guy living in Chicago, and a frequent Fly on the Wall contributor.

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