Friday, November 21, 2014

Steve Cohen Proposes Building a Moat, Hiring a Dragon

Posted By on Fri, Nov 21, 2014 at 8:45 AM

Sir Steve of Midtown
  • Sir Steve of Midtown
Earlier this week U.S. Rep Steve Cohen of Memphis suggested that White House security issues might be improved by digging a moat. He later claimed that he didn't mean a moat exactly, but some moat-like water barrier inhibiting access to the White Castle. It could be beautiful, he said.

Since this important story first broke, the Fly-Team has been working day and night, and has since turned up an extensive list of ideas Cohen was considering before going with "moat."


1. Smaug the Magnificent.

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2. White House Secret Service detail to be replaced with D.C. chapter of Society for Creative Anachronism members.

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3. Catapult drones

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4. Epic recitations by national coffee house poetry champion, Rhayne.

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5. All visitors to White House must answer three questions posed by a guardian on a bridge. Failure to do so shall cause them to be hurled into abyss.

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6. Invisible ninjas.

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7. Visible ninjas

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8. Burmese Tiger Trap or possibly a Scorpion pit.

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9. Sign to be erected that says "Not At All The White House" to trick most fiends.

10. Appoint a "Get Medieval on your ass" Czar

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11. Dick Cheney with a shotgun on premises at all times.

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12. Mimes. Fucking everywhere.

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13. Seriously, mimes! They're like silent clowns with invisible box powers.

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14. Enhance FBI's dark sorcery budget.

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15. Discourage napping and XBox playing by Secret Service agents on duty.



16. Living gargoyles to swoop down from White House roof and snatch intruders, taking them to the Plane of Torment for all eternity.

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17. Creating common sense programs for assisting mentally ill citizens. Other than jail. And, of course...

18. bees!

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This list was made with help from The Wiseguys. 
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