Thursday, February 5, 2015

Tennessee Denied Coverage to Remove Cancerous Lawmakers

Posted By on Thu, Feb 5, 2015 at 2:18 PM

click to enlarge A microscopic view of Tennessee's legislature-shaped growth.
  • A microscopic view of Tennessee's legislature-shaped growth.

Tragedy struck this week, as the US Surgeon General advised Tennessee that the mass growing in the greater Nashville region was, in fact, cancer of the state Legislature, and that its current insurance plan would not cover any sort of invasive surgery to remove it.

“This is one of the most aggressive, repugnant tumors I’ve ever seen,” said the Surgeon General. “It has already spread to the Judiciary and state Constitution, and is eyeing the Executive as we speak. God, I wish we could have caught it sooner.”

One of the so-called “marginally poor” states, Tennessee generates barely enough revenue to disqualify itself from federally guaranteed health care coverage, but lives paycheck-to-paycheck, considering health care to be an unaffordable luxury.

Functional state legislatures are a vital organ of the state, regulating many of the industries and practices that comprise a reasonable modern government. Friends and family of Tennessee urged it to seek medical attention when the legislature developed abnormally high concentrations of guns and regressive taxes, but after years of ignoring the problem, the situation appears dire.

“This cancer has grown unchecked for years, and it appears to be self-funding at present,” the Surgeon General explained, “without treatment I’d give you two years before you experience total public school shut down.”

Doctors recommended the state begin immediate radiation therapy, with debate raging on as to whether the Legislature should be defined as a living person and protected from destruction.

Tennessee has set up a GoFundMe to help defray the cost of medical bills.

Robert Callahan is a Memphian living in Chicago, Wiseguy, and regular contributor to Fly on the Wall

Favorite

Comments

Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

Readers also liked…

People who saved…

Most Commented On

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
© 1996-2017

Contemporary Media
460 Tennessee Street, 2nd Floor | Memphis, TN 38103
Visit our other sites: Memphis Magazine | Memphis Parent | Inside Memphis Business
Powered by Foundation