Internet

Friday, August 4, 2017

Shelby Co. D.A. Has Twitter Meltdown, Internet Watches

Posted By on Fri, Aug 4, 2017 at 12:34 PM

Shelby County District Attorney Amy Weirich. - JUSTIN FOX BURKS
  • Justin Fox Burks
  • Shelby County District Attorney Amy Weirich.

Thursday, July 6, 2017

All Buttholes Considered: The Imagine Cafe Story in Tweets

Posted By on Thu, Jul 6, 2017 at 4:00 PM

Lifted from Imagine Butthole Cafe
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Thursday, June 29, 2017

John Daly Seen as a Renaissance Painting

Posted By on Thu, Jun 29, 2017 at 10:24 AM

The best thing that happened on Twitter yesterday involved a vintage photograph of Memphis golfer John Daly (Yes, he's still alive), and a streaker with the word "HOLE" painted over his bum. The shot's from the 1995 British Open at St. Andrews.

It started with this which, as the tweet suggests, is basically a Renaissance painting.
Discussion commenced. Convincing proofs offered.
Filters were added.
Oh brave new world that has such people in it... 
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Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Drax the Destroyer Guest Tweets for MLGW?

Posted By on Wed, May 31, 2017 at 1:40 PM

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Judging by a recent round of defensive, hyper-literal tweets from the official MLGW account, it would appear that Memphis' public utility has hired in Drax the Destroyer to man social media during this period of post-storm crisis. Drax, the blunt alien powerhouse who struggles to understand metaphor and most figurative language, responded negatively to a tweet by Memphis newsie Joyce Peterson. When Peterson accurately explained how "45,000 customers without power" means more than 45,000 people remain in the dark, Drax answered back sharply:  "This tweet is unequivocally wrong and malicious."
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After a number of Twitter uses invited Drax to munch a chill pill MLGW's guest tweeter doubled down on his initial pronouncement: "Our customer is not a house or an apartment building. Our customers of record are people who have families, employees, and customers."
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While it's cool of MLGW to bring in such a big celebrity and card-carrying Guardian of the Galaxy, the PR gig may not be a good fit for Drax's skill set, which is basically destroying things.

Insert your own "covfefe" joke here.

Friday, March 24, 2017

MAF Has a New Meaning: Memphis Ass Farm

Posted By on Fri, Mar 24, 2017 at 12:04 PM

EMILY YELLIN
  • Emily Yellin
Sometimes captioning goes wrong. Sometimes a line like, "Hotter than Memphis Asphalt," becomes, "Hotter than Memphis Ass Farm." Okay, that only happened once, on an episode of Sun Records. Of course the Internet caught it right away. Thanks Internet

Friday, January 6, 2017

Pooping With WMC's Andy Wise

Posted By on Fri, Jan 6, 2017 at 1:09 PM

Look how they follow you.
  • Look how they follow you.
WMC consumer investigator Andy Wise is many things — a survivor; a humanitarian; and a Christian martyr.  In addition to all of that, he's also an office pooper who knows how to deliver the "ew."

At least, in another tweet, Mr. "On your side," finally answered a question I've been asking for a long time — What kind of crime won't WMC over-report and sensationalize? Unless, you know, he IS the Riddler...

via GIPHY


Thursday, January 5, 2017

The Strange Case of Marsha Blackburn and the Exploding Cigar

Posted By on Thu, Jan 5, 2017 at 1:54 PM

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Evil scientist Marsha Blackburn lit up a fat cat Twitter cigar yesterday and BAM! Right in the face.

Obviously, it's not hard to troll online polls and Democrats are motivated. But, as previously uninsured folks stare down the very real chance of losing their recently insured status, it's hard to say the soot and tobacco all over Blackburn's pinched, bitter face is completely devoid of meaning.

How can it be that Republicans, after opposing the Affordable Care Act tooth and nail for six years, haven't got an alternative? I mean, aside from the obvious fact that none of them care if Uncle Phil gets his medicine or not because he should have worked harder when he was healthy. Duh.

It's because Obamacare was the workable Republican plan, they only hated it because — Obama. And no matter how hard the kleptocracy scrambles, they can't come up with something just as conflicted and industry forward that looks completely different to consumers who'll experience zero value from less Medicaid or potentially disastrous tort reform.

So, as the great unraveling gets underway, let's all have a good laugh at Marsha's exploding cigar. It'll be her turn to laugh when we're all crawling with something expensive and incurable.

Friday, December 2, 2016

Tony Allen's Big D Beats Stiff Competition

Posted By on Fri, Dec 2, 2016 at 11:39 AM

via GIPHY

Sometimes tweets have two meanings.
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Monday, November 21, 2016

A Useful GIF of Andy Wise Saying, "We're Here."

Posted By on Mon, Nov 21, 2016 at 1:02 PM

WMC's consumer investigator Andy Wise got an IKEA preview last week. Wise previewed that preview by tweeting this GIF, which really deserves an afterlife. Share it Memphis. Use it well.
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Tuesday, November 15, 2016

"KKK More American than Obama" — Deputy Director of Finance for Shelby County Corrections.

Posted By on Tue, Nov 15, 2016 at 10:52 AM

Phones are buzzing in the halls of Shelby Co. government this morning because of a Facebook post shared by David Barber, Deputy Director of Finance for the Shelby County Department of Corrections. According to the accompanying status, the KKK is more American than two-term US president Barack Obama. Get ready, this story's just starting to crank up, and will probably be everywhere, shortly.

Here's the offending post from Nov. 7.
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Also, this.

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And, in case you're wondering who the guy is, it's all in his profile. 
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UPDATE: David Barber has resigned.

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Commercial Appeal Declared a "Legend" Following Story About Frat Bro's Date with a Porn Star

Posted By on Wed, Feb 24, 2016 at 1:22 PM

For maximum enjoyment press play on this video before reading. 


It's not the stuff of a Pulitzer Prize winning series, but a digital report on the Commercial Appeal's website is receiving attention across social media for recounting the epic tale of UT Knoxville student and Sigma Chi frat brother Patrick Goswitz, who invited porn star Cherry Morgan to a formal dance this weekend. 

This is what a legendary legend looks like.
  • This is what a legendary legend looks like.

"UT fraternity brother declared ‘a legend’ for date with porn star," was originally published by the Knoxville News Sentinel and tells the touching story of young Goswitz who was, in fact, described as a "legend," as a result of his date with Morgan, the Knoxville-based actress famous for appearing in adult films where, like many porn stars, she gives blowjobs to plumbers, pizza guys and other dudes who deliver.  (WARNING: LINK VERY NSFW).

"Goswitz told [Dan] Regester [of the website Total Frat Move] via an Instagram interview uploaded on TFM that he had invited Morgan to the formal via a message on Facebook and she sent him "her digits" and accepted."

The saga of Goswitz and Morgan is told using quotes from blogs and social media and is most notable for containing the worst sentence in the history of print journalism: "Goswitz told [Dan] Regester [of the website Total Frat Move] via an Instagram interview uploaded on TFM that he had invited Morgan to the formal via a message on Facebook and she sent him "her digits" and accepted."

As it happens, people with internet connections and Google alerts for Cherry Morgan had many newsworthy things  to say about the hot date. One person wrote, "Atta boy." Another said, "Lucky guy!" A third anonymous commenter wrote "Good for him," while a somewhat sadder post read, "I would consider myself legendary to even bring a girl to meet my family."

This is easily the greatest thing the CA has published since yesterday's breaking story about how how nicotine makes it hard to quit smoking. 

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Friday, May 22, 2015

You know what's better than the new Tennessee logo? Brian Kelsey's mirror selfie.

Posted By on Fri, May 22, 2015 at 9:15 AM

Reflections of Brian Kelsey
  • Reflections of Brian Kelsey

It's getting weird out there, people. Rise to the occasion and make #Kelfie trend. Like the man says, it's for a good cause.

The New Tennessee Logo Has Its Own Parody Twitter Account, Of Course...

Posted By on Fri, May 22, 2015 at 8:12 AM

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You know, there's really no reason to say much about this. Something happened yesterday resulting in an outpouring of "OMG" and "smh." Boom. Twitter account. Enjoy. 

Oh, also, @TnLogo, you should totally follow Captain America. 

Monday, April 27, 2015

Smoked Meats: Memphis' Crack for Lunch Meat Story Gets the WTFark Treatment

Posted By on Mon, Apr 27, 2015 at 10:19 PM

"Hey, you look like the kind of guy who might trade $50,000 worth of lunch meat for some crack cocaine."
  • "Hey, you look like the kind of guy who might trade $50,000 worth of lunch meat for some crack cocaine."

Last week Memphis Flyer reporter Toby Sells told the gripping tale of Larry Ron Bowen, the Arkansas truck driver who traded a tractor trailer load of lunch meat for an undisclosed amount of crack cocaine. The story was picked by various other national and international news outlets, but nobody told it better than the satirical online news content generator WTFark.

Enjoy. 


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Wednesday, January 7, 2015

One of the more disturbing images you'll see this week.

Posted By on Wed, Jan 7, 2015 at 5:00 PM

Who's the real lefty?
  • Who's the real lefty?

I know exactly what you're thinking: Man, it sure would be nice if there was someplace on the internet where I could spend hours and hours pouring over the written words of a liberal-hating climate change denier while looking at a picture of the author flying past planets and stars clutching his big Christian-American space-penis.

What, you weren't thinking that? Too bad, because here's a link to Tommy V Talks, the online home of one of Memphis' more outspoken accordion players. 

In this fascinating post Tommy V puts the smackdown on Neil deGrasse Tyson: 

Go ahead charlatan believers of global climate change; behold how that over a few days, with one simple blow of God’s nostrils the water level in Lake Meade has risen dramatically to levels not seen in many years; and the forecast is for even more precipitation out West.


Yeah! Eat God-snot Neil!
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