Sex

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Quest for Grocery Store Porn — Testing Diane Black's Theories About School Shootings

Posted By on Wed, May 30, 2018 at 4:05 PM

Bottom right. Easy access at Walgreens.
  • Bottom right. Easy access at Walgreens.
Diane Black, a U.S. Representative from Tennessee, has been getting a lot of media attention for her belief that grocery store porn is a "big part" of the "root cause" of why school shootings happen.

Or something like that. 

"It’s available on the shelf when you walk in the grocery store." she said. "Yeah, you have to reach up to get it, but there’s pornography there.

"All of this is available without parental guidance," the 67-year-old Republican candidate for governor added. 
Puzzle porn at Kroger.
  • Puzzle porn at Kroger.

I decided to see if there was anything to Black's claim. Saucy glossies are still in demand, if greatly diminished in number since the Internet made just about anything you can imagine in this arena free and available on our phones. But can you really get it in every grocery store easily and without adult supervision?

Not at my Kroger (Pop/Cleve 4-evvs). Unless you're talking about Cosmo.
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And whatever you think about the Cosmo is Porn campaign, we're pretty sure any smutty advice they may or may not have printed about "polishing your partner's assault rifle" was pure metaphor.

Newsweek had a really super-naked picture.
33962703_10216147470578426_8253427430526550016_n.jpg

There were Sudoku puzzles, sports rags, teen-crush mags, Little Golden Books and a Wonder Woman coloring book on the bottom shelf. I asked an employee where all the porn magazines were. She looked at me suspiciously (cant say that I blame her) and said these were the only magazines she knew about.

This one caught my eye though. 
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What kind of gun is that dude pig hunting with? It makes me feel all funny down there, if you know what I mean.
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So maybe Black misspoke. Maybe she meant corner stores or pharmacies. Some of them sell groceries too. So I went to the Walgreen's across the street.

You know, I do remember a time when porn seemed to be everywhere. I remember being eight or nine years old and looking at the dirty magazines on the bottom rack of a musty general store in Malakoff, Texas. I was a chubby kid and shirtless, wearing a big black cowboy hat with a big red and black feather band. It was the ’70s, man — even youngsters like me were letting it all hang out.
US Rep. Diane Black R-Tennessee
  • US Rep. Diane Black R-Tennessee
The pinch-faced prude behind the counter didn't tell me to put down the porn or say "This ain't a lending library," or anything like that. "Developing young ladies should cover themselves," is all she said to me. So, yeah, I was introduced to porn, and body/gender issues on the same sunny afternoon in Texas.

Porn magazines started losing "readers" in the ’80s — when video became cheap to manufacture.

At some point, magazine porn did get wrapped and placed on top shelves. And then it seemed to disappear from a lot of places where it used to be ubiquitous. I couldn't even find porn at convenience stores where you can buy homeopathic sex pills and bongs.

"Try Walgreen's at Poplar and Cleveland," one convenience store employee suggested. Clearly I live in a porn desert.

Walgreens was also a bust, with content similar to what I'd seen at Kroger. Stuff on the top shelf included news magazine special editions and Popular Science. A few titles did catch my eye though down on the bottom shelf, in more or less the same part of the magazine rack where 8-year-old me first encountered porn way back in the disco era.

Check out Sniper. So. Hot.
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And this Guns & Ammo AR-15 "pistol edition" with an assault pistol the cover. Or, whatever.
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Precision Rifle Shooter has yet another sexy rifle on the cover.
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And then there's all the 2018 Handgun Buyer's Guides right where little hands can reach them, free from parental guidance.
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Long story short: Black's weird claim just doesn't seem to be true. Can we please get back to the time-honored business of blaming society's ills on comic books, Atari, and satanic messages hidden on Black Oak Arkansas cassette tapes?


UPDATE: Similar porn deserts identified in Nashville.

Monday, October 9, 2017

Dick Pics: News Channel-5 Nashville Appears on Last Week Tonight with John Oliver.

Posted By on Mon, Oct 9, 2017 at 2:48 PM

Memphis plays itself.
  • Memphis plays itself.
Last Week Tonight's latest installment of "And now, this..." was a thigh-slapping compilation of all those times when local weather people have gone all American Vandal and drawn dicks on TV. The segment included a snippet from Nashville's TV-5
(Video excerpt below).


Everybody should totally take the time to watch this whole important clip because there are so many more dicks where those came from. Still, it's kind of a shame Oliver didn't dive a little deeper into Memphis' sordid "things that look like dicks" history. Like the infamous "welcome to Memphis" sign that looks like a bouquet of dildos. 
welcome_dicks.jpg
For reference, here's a picture of said sign next to an actual bouquet of dildos.
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And what about that enormous sperm-shaped ribbon of asphalt terminating at the Bass Pro Pyramid? Hmmmmm?
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And while we're on about it, I know she's from Columbia, TN not Memphis, but if you're going to do a segment on things that look like penises, does it get any better than the money-shot campaign materials created by District 65's Sheila "rape-and-incest-aren't-verifiable" Butt?
sheilabuttslogo.jpg
Maury Co. Courthouse my behind!

UPDATE:  Your Fly on the Wall often teases and must admit his own mistakes. Because the penis-drawing begins with balls over Memphis I originally identified the news feed as being from WMC in Memphis. But it is News Channel 5, Nashville. I regret the error. It's even funnier this way. Nashville drawing balls over Memphis. Same as it ever was.

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Friday, February 10, 2017

Little Joe Gives It Away: A Conversation with Joe Dallesandro

Posted By on Fri, Feb 10, 2017 at 10:00 AM

Joe
  • Joe
So you're not that into Warhol, and the name Joe Dallesandro is unfamiliar? That's his crotch on the cover of The Rolling Stones' Sticky Fingers LP. More of a Smiths fan? That's his torso on the cover of the band's first record. Lou Reed called him "Little Joe" in his hit song, "Walk on the Wild Side." You know Joe, or parts of him anyway.

Dallesandro, the only Warhol superstar to have any significant film career outside the factory, is coming to the Brooks Museum of Art to talk to fans. Fly on the Wall talked to him first about the Warhol/Morrissey trilogy Heat, Trash, and Flesh. working with Louis Malle, and Serge Gainsbourg, and what it means to be told you changed male sexuality on film forever. .

Fly on the Wall: When you first started working with Paul Morrissey, part of the allure — as I understand it — is Paul told you these films would still be shown in museums in a hundred years. I know it’s not been that long, but what’s it like living through the hype, and watching that promise, more or less prove true.

Joe Dallesandro: No, no surprise as it started appearing in the way he had said. It was kinda for me something I believed to be true back then, and it was beginning to happen. There was nothing I thought was real special because I always expected it to be that way. Having seen all the different work Andy had. And even back then he was doing tours at universities and things.

I felt that what he told me was the truth, and they were already doing tours at universities. So the next step was these things went to museums.


I read somewhere a quote by John Waters. Something about how you changed male sexuality on film forever. And so much else has been said in that regard. What’s it like living with those kinds of comments?

I always thought of Paul Morrissey as my mentor. Paul told me early on, I can't look at the press because if I take to heart the good and the appreciation, I have to take to heart the bad things, too." It was enjoyable to hear all that. But it was just the many opinions and sayings of people who were out there. I love John Waters. Anything he said was appreciated. I look at him as a personal friend. It’s not like I’d expect him to say something bad about me like Paul or Andy.

Why were they talking bad about you?

Back in those days, after I finished the trilogy with them I was pretty much kind of fed up for a while because they started to say bad things about me. I was being looked at in productions that were bigger and different than there’s in the real world. I remember reading somewhere that Andy’d said, “Oh, I think he does drugs.” And Paul told someone, “I don’t believe he could learn a script. So, when I went to do Frankenstein and Dracula with them, I made them write every line I had to say. Because it pissed me off they didn’t think I could do a script. I was never offered to do a script with them before.


But you hadn’t had experience with that kind of film. Or any kind of film, you just fell into it. Unlike a lot of the others who started this way, you put together a career.

It was Paul’s saying, he thought I’d be good at it. And just to do it. And everything he’s telling me— He’s like a book on cinema. He knew everything about actors and the movies. You could call him up and ask him anything and he had the information on it. So, when he’d say he thought I’d be good at it, I trusted what he was telling me was the truth. Back then I was a real young kid so people made impressions on me back then. Back then I wanted to be a cook and make pizzas. I wanted to own my own pizza shop one day. That was my big dream back when I was a kid. But things change.
I trusted what Paul was saying to me was the truth and I was getting a lot of press.

There were the movies I did with Paul and the movies that I did with Andy. Andy’s movies, whoever talked the fastest and the most was the lead in the movie. There was no story to it, it was just whatever was interesting to Andy that went in the movie. The first time I met him he was sitting behind a camera reading a newspaper and we couldn’t see him because he had the newspaper up. And he was turning the camera on and off. And you’d hear a giggle or a laugh from behind the newspaper, and then his hand would come out and he’d switch the camera on and off. Really strange, peculiar guy.

And an odd artistic partner for Paul, a number of people have noted.

Paul always was trying to shift him in a different direction in the way he made his films. To put more of a story to it. To use the people in a more interesting way. This is back when Paul had the greatest eye for casting, because he’d pick these peculiar people, and they were very interesting, and they had a knack for being able to tell stories and stuff. Until we went to Europe and he’d get people who just spoke to him briefly in English. Then, come to find out, they didn’t speak well enough to improvise their lines. So it was kinda good I said I wanted things written for me. They had to write things for the other people too.

And he’s shooting in an environment he doesn’t approve of.

He was always trying, in some way, to change those people. Get them to go in a different direction than what they were doing. He’d get really upset with Andrea [Feldman]. He wanted her to be normal. But Andrea was just Andrea.

And Andy...

Andy wouldn’t know my name when I came into the office. My brother was his chauffeur and drove him around all day long. Would come back telling me all these stories and conversations they talked about in the car. He chose who he talked to, who he spoke to and listened to. People I guess he thought were entertaining. And there were people that he didn’t. I was one of those people he didn’t speak to very much. I used to think he was just afraid of me. That’s why they had me up there guarding the door or something. I always got the impression they wanted me almost like a bodyguard, or somebody that scared people away: “Andy’s not here today.” When he’s here in the back.

But of everybody, you kept on making movies.

I went over to Italy with the idea I’d come back Clint Eastwood, but it didn’t happen that way. I was too short for a horse.


But you made some action movies.

I made all these shoot ‘em up films.

Did you know you were going to stay in Europe when you went over to do Frankenstein and Dracula, or did all that happen while you were there.

They were already offered to me by the time I finished Frankenstein and Dracula. Paul set it up so I’d do movies over there.

And I don’t know a thing about them— about the Italian films. They were like gangster films, right?

Bad boy gangster films. I’m the guy who was selling cigarettes for the higher ups, but then wanted to take over and do it for myself. They made a bunch of those lower budgeted ones over there. They would shoot them pretty fast. They were all like that, back to back. I swore off artists when I got to Italy. But the manager who helped me over there because Italian wasn’t my language, and I had to have somebody to interpret for me. I remember telling them I didn’t want to work with art directors. I just wanted to do shoot-em-ups/And he said, “No, no, no, no, you came from working with Andy, you have to continue working with art directors. So I continued working with art directors in France.

Louis Malle. Serge Gainsbourg.

Who?

Serge Gainsbourg.

Oh, yeah, Serge.

He was already established as a musician, but Je t'aime moi non plus  was his first film, and he’s writing, and directing. And it just looks like everybody is comfortable, and having a great time. Is that just my impression, or is that accurate?

That’s accurate. I believe it was Serge. He had an openness about him. I didn’t know if it was because he drank a lot or what, but we all had a really great time doing the film. I became a good friend of Serge after that. I don’t usually stay connected, I move on. It’s family when you’re doing it, then you move on. That’s how it is in a film, you’re family. But Serge was a great guy.

sticky.jpg
Do you have a favorite film.

Oh, Je t'aime. When it was done, Serge wanted a bigger showing here [in America]. Not sent out to some odd theater. He wanted a big release. I believe it was a little too early. People weren’t there yet. But the material was great material. And it was beautiful to look at.

Yes, with the aerial shots. A really playful camera.

When I did Louis Malle film it was great to work on that too. When I saw the film, my son, who was still young, loved the it. He just loved it. So I saw it a couple of times. But I didn’t see the colors. We spent a lot of time with the lighting, and it wasn’t what I expected from his talent. But it was a fun film.

Je t'aime  was certainly colorful. I think of the truck.

They asked if I drove a truck, and I was thinking a little pickup truck. I get there and it’s this big Mack truck with two gear shifts and air brakes. Holy shit. And the first shot they want me to drive up to a plate glass window with her behind and stop. And I thought everybody’s gonna run away because they don’t know if I’m going to stop in time. Our cameraman was one of the craziest, bravest guys I ever knew. There was a shot he wanted to do from a plane and he was hanging outside the plane to get the shot. That was just his way of doing things. And I loved Gerard [Depardieu]. He was doing a movie in Italy and would fly in on the weekends to shoot these small scenes with us. And he was so much fun. Everybody walked the extra mile to make the film look good, like it was in the midwest and shot in America.

It would be wrong of me to not ask something about. Sticky Fingers. The Smiths. Lou Reed and “Take a Walk on the Wild Side.” You didn’t even know Lou when he wrote about “Little Joe,” is that correct.


That’s correct. None of those things had nothing to do with me. With the Smiths album, [Smiths singer Morrissey] was a fan, and I don't think he asked anybody for permission. He just used the picture. Sticky Fingers, the crotch shot could have been anybody. The only reason I know it was me is because of my belt. With "Walk on the Wild Side," that was Paul Morrissey telling Lou he should watch some films they'd been doing and write about the people in them. He wrote about the character he saw on screen. It wasn't like he was socializing with us."


Thursday, November 10, 2016

Butt Plug the New Tumbleweave?

This Pink Beauty Spotted in Cooper Young Neighborhood

Posted By on Thu, Nov 10, 2016 at 1:49 PM

img_1793.jpg
Tumbleweaves are so 2015. The future belongs to sex toys. This adorable pink butt plug was spotted in the Cooper Young neighborhood, standing bolt upright in the middle of the street.

This raises a lot of questions. Questions like, "Did it just fall out"? Were words exchanged? Did somebody say, "It's not you, it's me"?
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Anyway, if you or somebody you love lost a butt plug while visiting the Cooper Young neighborhood, don't call me. I didn't touch that thing. 
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Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Rep. Jeremy "Pants Candy" Durham Merits Expulsion From Tennessee General Assembly

Posted By on Wed, Jul 13, 2016 at 9:13 PM

Jeremy Durham AKA "Pants Candy"
  • Jeremy Durham AKA "Pants Candy"
File under wow.

Rep Jeremy Durham (R-Duh) looks to be a special kind of icky creeper, and a report from Tennessee's attorney general finds his behavior merits expulsion from the General Assembly. Not that anybody's expelling him or anything. 

According to the AG's report Durham was nicknamed "Pants Candy" by one of the 22 women with whom he had inappropriate sexual encounters. His partners had been reluctant to complain for fear of losing their jobs. Lobbyists, interns and executive assistants also worried they's lose favor with the GOP caucus

How did Durham earn the nickname Pants Candy? He kept a dish of candy on his desk. When asked for a piece he reached in his front pocket and fished suggestively for an unwrapped mint. "You don't want those, I've got this," he was quoted as saying.

The legislator's political fate is being left in the discerning hands of District 65 voters. 

Shudder. 

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

Commercial Appeal Declared a "Legend" Following Story About Frat Bro's Date with a Porn Star

Posted By on Wed, Feb 24, 2016 at 1:22 PM

For maximum enjoyment press play on this video before reading. 


It's not the stuff of a Pulitzer Prize winning series, but a digital report on the Commercial Appeal's website is receiving attention across social media for recounting the epic tale of UT Knoxville student and Sigma Chi frat brother Patrick Goswitz, who invited porn star Cherry Morgan to a formal dance this weekend. 

This is what a legendary legend looks like.
  • This is what a legendary legend looks like.

"UT fraternity brother declared ‘a legend’ for date with porn star," was originally published by the Knoxville News Sentinel and tells the touching story of young Goswitz who was, in fact, described as a "legend," as a result of his date with Morgan, the Knoxville-based actress famous for appearing in adult films where, like many porn stars, she gives blowjobs to plumbers, pizza guys and other dudes who deliver.  (WARNING: LINK VERY NSFW).

"Goswitz told [Dan] Regester [of the website Total Frat Move] via an Instagram interview uploaded on TFM that he had invited Morgan to the formal via a message on Facebook and she sent him "her digits" and accepted."

The saga of Goswitz and Morgan is told using quotes from blogs and social media and is most notable for containing the worst sentence in the history of print journalism: "Goswitz told [Dan] Regester [of the website Total Frat Move] via an Instagram interview uploaded on TFM that he had invited Morgan to the formal via a message on Facebook and she sent him "her digits" and accepted."

As it happens, people with internet connections and Google alerts for Cherry Morgan had many newsworthy things  to say about the hot date. One person wrote, "Atta boy." Another said, "Lucky guy!" A third anonymous commenter wrote "Good for him," while a somewhat sadder post read, "I would consider myself legendary to even bring a girl to meet my family."

This is easily the greatest thing the CA has published since yesterday's breaking story about how how nicotine makes it hard to quit smoking. 

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Tuesday, July 7, 2015

The Money Shot: A Plug for Sheila Butt

Posted By on Tue, Jul 7, 2015 at 11:38 AM

As loyal readers know, your Pesky Fly sees penises and penis-related imagery everywhere. It's a gift, really. This week I'd like to draw your attention to the campaign logo of District 64 Rep. Sheila Butt. And yes, I know, that is supposed to be a silhouette of the Maury County courthouse. It also looks a little (okay, a LOT) like the climactic scene in a porn film. 

sheilabuttslogo.jpg

Butt is a Tennessee conservative who sees marriage equality as an affront to religious freedom. She's also a pro-life politician opposed to shortening abortion waiting periods even if the survivor has been a victim of incest or rape. According to Butt, rape and incest are "not verifiable."

UPDATE: The copy has been changed to reflect the fact that the silhouette is the Maury Co. Courthouse, and not a horrible rendering of the Tennessee Capital.)

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Mystery of Memphis' Tri-Phallic Welcome Sign Explained

Posted By on Wed, May 13, 2015 at 2:32 PM

Shitty aritst's enhancement
  • Shitty aritst's enhancement

Fly on the Wall recently observed that the three note logo on Memphis' new welcome sign looks an awful lot like a bunch of dingalings.  

Here they are once again, just for reference. 

Dingalings
  • Dingalings

Since Bass Pro opened in Memphis' long abandoned Pyramid, the internet has been awash in new pictures of the skyline, and every photo seems to teach the Bluff City a little something new about itself. This image, for example, seems to suggest that the phallic nature of the welcome sign may not have been an accident. For so it was written in prophecies of old, "When three cocks crow over the Memphis sunset, then will the giant asphalt spermatozoa reveal itself."

STOLEN FROM THE INTERNET FOR THE BETTERMENT OF MANKIND
  • Stolen from the internet for the betterment of mankind

I think it's time to bring back the crystal Skull, people. 

Who doesn't like a little head?
  • Who doesn't like a little head?

Monday, February 16, 2015

Mega-Fail: The New Memphis Welcome Sign is NSFW

Posted By on Mon, Feb 16, 2015 at 9:57 AM


ARRRGGH! - S
  • S
  • ARRRGGH!

So, are we the only dirty minded people who read the Commercial Appeal story "Memphis' New Signs Beckon I-40 Travelers" and thought, "Wait a minute, are those dildos up there?"

Because, you've got to admit, in addition to being an ugly sign generally, those alleged music notes up top, sure do look an awful lot like dildos

L to R: Dildos, Detail from the new Memphis welcome sign.
  • L to R: Dildos, Detail from the new Memphis welcome sign.


UPDATE: What's seen can not be unseen. Maybe this is our Mt. Rushmore. Those dildos need names. Maybe even faces. Suggestions? 

Monday, July 15, 2013

Tennessee Lawyer Takes Legal Action Against Apple Because Devices Are Capable of Displaying Porn

Posted By on Mon, Jul 15, 2013 at 9:17 AM

Steve & Friends
  • Steve & Friends
It's too easy to make jokes about Tennessee lawyer Chris Sevier, who is taking legal action against Apple because its devices are capable of, and will, in fact, display porn should any innocent person, Sevier, for example, accidentally type "Fuckbook," instead of Facebook.


So why not treat yourself and read the actual (and actually hilarious) legal filing. Turns out Sevier loves Apple products. A lot.


Chris Sevier Apple Complaint

Original Sin
  • Original Sin

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Thank You Condom Man

Posted By on Thu, Jul 11, 2013 at 6:13 PM

Who knew?
  • Who knew?


Memphis is so fortunate to have a real honest-to-gosh superhero like CondomMan.

If I wasn't following this champion of truth, justice, and American Latex on Facebook, it's possible I might keep making this same mistake over and over again.


So, in case other people don't say it enough, thank you CondomMan. You're the greatest.

The Caped Screwsader
  • The Caped Screwsader

Oh, and while we're talking about sex and the social networks...

Continue reading »

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