Monday, December 10, 2018

Comedian Benny Elbows Recovering After Shooting

Posted By on Mon, Dec 10, 2018 at 1:58 PM

The very tall Mr. B. Elbows steps over a fence. From a Memphis Flyer cover story about Memphis Comedy.
  • The very tall Mr. B. Elbows steps over a fence. From a Memphis Flyer cover story about Memphis Comedy.
"Instead of dick picks, send supportive messages without any expectation that it will lead to sex," Memphis comedian Ben Fredrick aka Benny Elbows says in a Facebook post. It sounds like somebody is on the road to recovery.

Fredrick was shot during a carjacking attempt and the bullet lodged in his liver. "Currently, I’m in no pain and on no pain medication. Thank you to everyone who has reached out or visited," he wrote in a separate post.

Fredrick performs with The Bluff City Liars and was recently instrumental in bringing Kids in the Hall co-founder Kevin McDonald to Memphis for workshops and a show.

A Gofundme page has been set up to help defray medical expenses.

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Friday, December 7, 2018

Hugh Freeze Talks About His Junk

"The Son of God, Jesus Christ, He Is The Only One I've Ever Met Who Can Handle My Junk"

Posted By on Fri, Dec 7, 2018 at 4:56 PM

Hugh Freeze
  • Hugh Freeze
"The son of God, Jesus Christ, He is the only one I've ever met who can handle my junk": Hugh Freeze, former coach for Briarcrest and Ole Miss who's been tapped to head Liberty University's football program.

Story here.

Make your own punchlines. Or retching noises.  

Monday, July 17, 2017

Commercial Appeal Editor To Staff: "Work From a Coffee Shop."

Posted By on Mon, Jul 17, 2017 at 5:51 PM

Are you lonesome tonight?
  • Are you lonesome tonight?
Before cracking the latest, darkest chapter in a seemingly endless series of dark chapters, about the last dark days of the Commercial Appeal, it might be helpful to remind readers why the CA's parent company Gannett is exactly like one of the voracious, many-tentacled gods inhabiting the nightmare world of horror maestro H.P. Lovecraft.

Lovecraft's deities are terrifying because they aren't supernatural. On the contrary, like sprawling media companies in possession of properties in distant, disconnected markets, they follow a system of natural laws far beyond the scope of human understanding. They are essentially materialist, trans-dimensional beings originating somewhere else in the multiverse and, as such, they are indifferent to any  suffering or destruction caused by self-interested incursion into the human realm. So too, enormous media conglomerates pursue agendas that are so far removed from the basic needs of Jane and Joe Subscriber from Anytown USA, it becomes impossible to accuse executive leadership of malice, no matter the resulting chaos. The madness is evident in everything from Gannett's gutting of local news staff, to its reliance on unknown editors from far away places who can't be expected to know the landscape.

As bad as it all sounds, the worst was only prelude to unspeakable terrors lurking just beyond the horizon. See, The Commercial Appeal's a ghost these days — a ghost running on a skeleton crew. Its longtime home at 495 Union is for sale, and even when the enormous structure is occupied during much-reduced business hours, vast expanses lie empty, unused and unknown. Who knows what fell creatures lurk in the cold gloom of the parking lot, let alone the ragged wastes between circulation and the morgue? If I worked in a building possessed by some outside entity with interests so utterly unconcerned with my own, I know I'd probably dock my laptop at the neighborhood coffee shop instead of my cubicle. And judging by this actual, sad, verbatim memo from the CA's newly installed Executive Editor Mark Russell, that's what management suggests as well: Get Out!!!

"A few updates:

*Starting today (Monday), building security in The CA’s 495 building has been reduced to 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. Monday through Friday. For this week, if you work after 5, and need an escort to your car, please ask a colleague to accompany you. If you are worried about working in your department alone after, say, 6 or 7 p.m., please consider leaving at 5 to work from a coffee shop, home or some other location that has what you need and where you feel secure. And the same thing goes for someone starting at 6 a.m. Please work from a coffee shop or home if you are worried about being safe coming in at 5:45 before security starts this week. Later this week, I will update you on the security plans going forward when I know more."
But does he really want to know more? Is it worth the madness to come?

(Click the vid to hear the memo read aloud in the style of Welcome to Night Vale)

Monday, July 11, 2016

No Child Transplant Patients Were Harmed as a Result of Memphis' #BLM Protest

Posted By on Mon, Jul 11, 2016 at 11:37 AM

Memphis 7-10-16 - CHRIS DAVIS
  • Chris Davis
  • Memphis 7-10-16
There's a sad story making the rounds on Social Media, built to function as a counter-narrative to more positive depictions of Sunday's peaceful Black Lives Matter demonstration. The short take: It's total B.S. But there's a longer take too, and here it is.

Via Snopes:
 "The story of the Black Lives Matter protest in Memphis and the child transplant patient bore many red flags of a parable and not a true story: the child in question was never identified by name, and the circumstances of his or her death (the gender varied) were unreported by the media despite being highly newsworthy. The only detail included the post, one announcing that the supposedly dead child was black, was tacked on as an afterthought — an ironic point intended to drive home a moral one."

You can read the whole thing here.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Bottom Line: Memphis Wants Candy

Posted By on Wed, May 7, 2014 at 6:34 PM

For maximum enjoyment play this song while perusing.

A recent Commercial Appeal feature spotlighting Memphis Mayor AC Wharton's "Blueprint for Prosperity" yielded this charming anecdote from the Whitehaven Christmas parade.

Once upon a time Mayor Wharton was riding in a convertible through the streets of Whitehaven where he tossed individually-wrapped pieces of candy to the cheering crowd. While most parade-goers were happy to jockey for the colorful morsels, as is the custom, one woman rejected his honor's sugary gift and called out to the mayor louder than all the rest.

“I don’t want no damn candy," she said, clearly nonplussed. "I want a job!”

Its whats for dinner.
  • It's what's for dinner.

Being a wise mayor, Wharton recognized the truth behind the woman's stinging words.

“We’ve been throwing them candy," Wharton later acknowledged, realizing that his current sweet-related policies could never satisfy the basic needs of his hungry constituents let alone their late-night cravings.

"What they want to do is to be able to buy their own candy."

Mind. Blown.


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