Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Lost (Spoiler Alert)

Posted By on Tue, Feb 2, 2010 at 6:30 PM

Season Six of Lost premiers tonight at 8 p.m. on ABC. It's the last season of Lost. Having recently completed watching for the first time every single episode within a single month (what my wife referred to as Lostuary), I feel full of foolish hubris that I should make some bold predictions about how it's all gonna go down, be it tonight or throughout the coming months. (I'm so glad I waited to watch the show. The waits between weeks and seasons must've been interminable.) Lest the season embark without my predix, I present them here for posterity.

I could say "Spoiler Alert," but unless you watch the show, you're not going to have the first clue what I'm talking about. And please note that I don't read stuff online about the show ever, because I don't want to know anything in advance. So these theories are entirely my own and in no way informed by what might actually happen. They are, in fact, likely comically wrong.

I welcome all comments and discussion. Lost is on tonight! The excitement cannot be contained!

Last Lost List of Lust (Lest You Forget):

— Locke really is dead, but will be resurrected by the Island.
— Jacob really is dead, but will be replaced by Jack as the Captain of the White Team. (Or whatever you want to call it.)
— The flip to Jacob's flop — the man in black who has taken the form of Locke — will be given the name Esau (maybe just by a character who wouldn't really know). We will be left to interpret that as the biblical Jacob's antagonist/fraternal twin brother who went on to father the nation of the Edomites. Just as Jacob leads the Others, aka the Chosen People or Canaanites, Esau leads the disenfranchised people, barred from paradise forever. (Charles Widmore, I'm looking at you.)
— Fake Locke tricked Jack, Kate, and the other survivors to come back to the Island. The Island did not need to be fixed. Real Locked fixed it when he jiggled the Big Time Wheel thing, making the skips in time everyone was experiencing stop. The island was fixed. The Oceanic Six were tricked to come back by Fake Locke for nefarious purposes (to kill Jacob and try to take the Island.)
— So-called "Adam and Eve," found in the caves in Season One, are Locke and I dunno which female character, maybe Claire, maybe Kate. A black stone and a white stone were found in the male corpse's pocket. I've always thought that suggested it was Locke, and I'm sticking by that. Which means...
— Locke, resurrected, will at some point jump back in time to an earlier date, along with at least one other character (a female). Locke and "Eve" will die natural deaths on the Island and be entombed in the caves, only to be found decades later by Jack after crash landing.
— There are two sides, white (Jacob) and black (Esau), but the Island is separate and inviolate. The Island is essentially God/Heaven being fought over by two sides. The Island is the backgammon board being fought over by two opponents. (That may mean philosophically that Jacob isn't good and Esau isn't bad — they're just opponents without moral distinction, playing a game.)
— The Island is represented by Christian Shepherd. His actions (past and future) should not be confused with Jacob's purposes. Always believe that what Christian says is what should really be done.
— The smoke monster protects the Island. Duh. But, again, don't confuse its purpose with Jacob/Esau's.
— The Island has some kind of electromagnetic/time/physic link to Tunisia, geographically close to Egypt, which accounts for the hieroglyphs, the Taweret Colossus, and the Temple. It may account for why the Others all speak Latin. Maybe some kind of Atlantis reference somewhere?
— The nuclear bomb is a Macguffin of sorts — just a device to get all the characters in the same time — and once the season premier has unfolded and it's purpose is served no matter the story asides, it ceases to be important.
— Other stuff but I can't remember right now. Who am I? What year is it?

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