by Tim Sampson
thursday, february 19
Man, man, man. Im not sure of the exact dates, but I do believe this issue constitutes the Flyers ninth anniversary, as the first one hit the stands some time around the middle of February 1989. Which means that, skipping some weeks here and there, Ive written this column approximately, oh, 400 times. And you know what? Im just about worn out. Frazzled. Reaching the point where Im going to have to be stuck off in a corner and be watered twice a week. There just doesnt seem to be much more to say. Weve lived through the fall of the Berlin Wall; the evolution of RuPaul; the deaths of Jackie O., Audrey Hepburn, Marlene Dietrich, Mother Teresa, Princess Diana, and, not to be overlooked, Lobster Boy, the alcoholic circus performer who was born with pincer-shaped hands and feet and who was finally killed by his wife because he kept getting drunk and head-butting her in their Florida trailer home; the rise of the Spice Girls (I still dont know who they are, and feel certain I dont want to); Lorena Bobbitt (who, I hear, has been hired to oversee some cutbacks at the White House); Ross Perot, for which there is simply no explanation save for the theory that aliens from other worlds do live on Earth (look at the ears!); the groundbreaking story about the man from Mexico who was attacked by a Texas alien, who happened to rape his Weed Eater and cause it to reproduce; the new law passed by the West Virginia legislature that makes it legal to jump out and bag road kill for dinner, making it easier on the department of their government responsible for removing it from the road (business at that cafe of Roseannes ought to double, or at least the profits because of lower overhead); Roseanne herself or herselves; and many other world-shattering events that have changed the course of history. On a more personal note, I have, because of some really inconsequential remarks made on this page, been threatened with physical violence and death; have been stalked by a sadomasochistic prostitute-type who I last heard was running some kind of ring in a trailer park somewhere in the area; have been banned from West Memphis and Shreveport (sob, sob); witnessed a man doing numero uno in a drive-through car wash; performed as a guest clown in a circus and almost had an elephant do numero uno on my three-foot-long shoes; spoke in front of hundreds of people at The Peabody with my fly unzipped; paid my way out of a crack house to keep from being shot, in the name of journalism; and last but certainly not least, half jokingly attempted a couple of blind dates from the Flyer personals, which did not result in utter bliss, as the couples who were featured last week, but did make for two rather interesting evenings, one of which involved lots of tequila and the Candlelight Vigil, and the other, a night of roaming the Raleigh Springs Mall, followed by sitting in someones country-craft-world den in Bartlett with an uncaged parakeet flapping around trying to peck out my eyes, making me feel just like Tippi Hedren. So there. Thats just scratching the surface, but I think you get the idea. And heres hoping for nine more lives, a cure for male pattern baldness, and over-the-counter Valium in the very immediate future. In the meantime, its that time again, for the 401th time, to give you a short look-see at whats going on around town this week. God, help us all. There are a couple of plays opening tonight: Stephen Sondheims Assassins opens at Rhodes Colleges McCoy Theatre, while Heart Strings starts its run at Theatreworks. Or if youd like to hear a lecture by one of the countrys premier architects, go listen to Coleman Coker tonight at the U of Ms Meeman Journalism Building. Or for you film buffs, theres a Thursday-night film festival at Memphis College of Art, where theyre showing films that played briefly, if at all, in Memphis; tonights feature is David Cronenbergs Crash. Or just go downtown to the new Sekisui for a Breaking the Wave Happy Hour (free sushi and drinks) and then to The Map Room to hear Simple One.
friday, february 20
And theres yet more going on in the world of theatre tonight. The Memphis Black Repertory Theatres production of Having Our Say opens at Circuit Playhouse, and Sisters Born to Sing, featuring The Color Purples Willard Pugh, opens at Shelby State Community College Theatre. In the way of live music, theres plenty out there tonight. For a really big time, Fat Friday in Overton Square, a fund-raiser for Bridges, Inc., is a Mardi Gras-themed party with New Orleans-style cuisine, a martini/cigar bar, live music by the Icebreakers and the North Mississippi All-Stars, and more. Down on Beale Street theres yet another musical benefit, the Lady Sings the Blues Festival, a fund-raiser for breast-cancer research, taking place in most of the clubs and featuring some of the citys best female singers, including Reba Russell, Garrison Starr, Joyce Cobb, Di Anne Price, and others. And finally, Dame Patti LaBelle is in concert down at Sams Town Casino in Tunica. Go on, girl.
saturday, february 21
Back to architecture, tonights Memphis Heritage Architectural Auction sounds like a pretty cool party; its at the Kress Building on Main Street Mall, and you can bid on fixtures from Memphis landmarks, such as Central Station and the old Lanskys on Beale, and enjoy a full bar and buffet. And the music continues tonight, starting with the Mask Ball, a Mardi Gras party to benefit the Holy Trinity Church and AIDS ministry, with entertainment by Joyce Cobb. You can also help raise money for young heart patients overseas at tonights International Childrens Heart Foundation Mardi Gras Ball, a black-tie bash at Memphis Botanical Garden with Cajun and Creole food and music by the Bouffants and the Beale Street Strutters. And if its been a while since youve heard The Killer pound the keys, Jerry Lee Lewis is playing the New Daisy tonight. Jazz lovers wont want to miss a big reunion tonight at Automatic Slims, where former Mid-Southerner jazz greats James Williams, Mulgrew Miller, and Tony Reedus are playing two shows. And for those into dance, tonight kicks off the two-night production of Dancing Together at The Orpheum, in which Ballet Memphis dancers perform with the African American Dance Ensemble.
sunday, february 22
One art opening today, at Maxwells restaurant in Cooper-Young for the exhibit, Flora and Fauna. Or for some real uplifting gospel, go hear OLanda Draper & the Associates at the Hard Rock on Beale.
monday, february 23
Youre on your own.
tuesday, february 24
Go hear Blue Silk at French Quarter Suites.
wednesday, february 25
Java Cabana is still having its French Film Festival, and tonights feature is Shoot the Piano Player. Other than that, Id have to say, in the butt, Bob. And if you dont get that one, then dont read this anymore. Actually, I really dont care what you do, because I dont even know you, and unless you can find out what Clinton is going to be wearing this summer, to take the place of that wool underwear hes been wearing to keep his ankles warm, then Im sure I dont want to meet you. Besides, its time for me to blow this maggot ranch and go back over lo these nine years again. I almost forgot about the 85-year-old man who wrote an essay on the persecution of the small penis, penned in the closet he lived in at a relatives house, from which he sold ironing-board covers over the telephone. I guess I shouldnt complain. n
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