“I have a word painted above my door: ‘Gratefulness.’ It’s the most important word. When you’re grateful, you keep things in perspective. You keep your ego in check. You realize how precious life is. You don’t live with a fear base — if I don’t do this, if I don’t do that. What you have to do is live in the moment, being present, being centered, having clarity. Attitude is based on choice, and you choose how you want to be.”
Those words were spoken in 2009 by the then newly hired basketball coach for the University of Memphis, a fresh-faced fellow named Josh Pastner, who exuded optimism and uttered Dale Carnegie coach-speak so earnestly that you had to believe he believed it himself. In this case, I think the word he was looking for was “gratitude,” but there was no doubting the man’s sincerity.
That, to say the least, was not the case with his predecessor, coach John Calipari, who spewed blarney like he was selling you a used Kia Sportage. It was all part of the act — the fast-talking flimflam man — but it had worn thin, especially as Calipari high-tailed it out of town to the bluer pastures of Kentucky.
Pastner was a breath of fresh air at the time, and I thought of him again last week — when his current team, the UNLV Rebels, came to town and trounced the UM Tigers — and I remembered his paean to “gratefulness,” which I’d written about somewhat snarkily at the time. It seemed fitting to recall it in the week of the holiday that’s devoted to giving thanks. And, my inherent cynicism aside, there’s little doubt that remembering to be grateful for what you have is a good way to live a happier life. It’s a simple but wise message, one that I’ve heard from religious leaders, coaches, and various motivational speakers through the years: Be grateful for what you have. Or the shorter version, the one I heard growing up: Count your blessings.
But it’s also important to remember that that sentiment comes from a position of privilege. What, for instance, are you thankful for if your spouse just got pulled over for driving while brown and sent off to parts unknown with no public record being kept of his arrest? According to research by Flyer editor Shara Clark and other local journalists, that’s happened to an unknown number of people in Shelby County in the past couple of months. Of the 3,096 arrests made by the Memphis Safe Task Force as of November 24th, no record of arrestees’ names, ages, race, or arrest dispositions has been made public. They’ve just been disappeared, right here in the “Land of the Free.” Or, more aptly, in this case, “the Home of the Blues.”
So what are you grateful for, exactly, if you’re sitting in a no-name prison a thousand miles from your family, and they don’t even know where you are? Grateful to be alive, I suppose.
And what are you grateful for if your children are hungry? If your soulmate is terminally ill? If your job has been summarily eliminated? If your 17-year-old son was just blown to pieces in the Caribbean Sea by an anonymous American bomb strike?
Praise God from whom all blessings flow? Count your blessings? Not likely, in most of those scenarios. But if you’re in a place where being thankful is possible, there are guides to practicing the attitude of gratitude, as they say. Most allude to the value of a daily meditation, to establishing a rhythm. Here’s a sample that AI gave me from Dr. Google:
Start your day with thanks: Before checking your phone or rushing into the day, pause to name three things you’re grateful for.
Write it down: Keep a journal or even a note in your phone where you jot down moments of gratitude.
Share it with others: Gratitude multiplies when it’s spoken. Send a quick text or tell someone how thankful you are for them.
All good ideas, no doubt, but I’d add this: Be ever watchful for opportunities to make another person feel grateful. And remember to be aware that you’re living a life that enables you to be grateful. That in itself is a gift worth appreciating.