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Steve and I went to Magic Mountain today and had such a great time. It's so fun-- steve pretends to be scared, and I comfort him. I say, "It's ok, steve, it's just a ride. It's built by scientists." But really, you know its built by construction workers. Heh, construction workers... what's up with their butt cracks always showing, huh? Heh. Oh I give up! I obviously have nothing to say. I'm making it all up! Steve and I didn't go to Magic Mountain today. I haven't even seen him in 3 days, I think he's cheating on me, I found a pubic hair on my pillow that's way too short to be steve's or mine. I don't know what went wrong! I'm a mess! And the crazy thing is, I'll forgive him. It's stupid I know, but I can't live without him. I'll just-- I'll do anything. He can do anything. I just want him back home. I mean, I know we had a pretty loose agreement in our relationship and all, but things were going so well, I just assumed we had gone exclusive. And he knew it too, god damnit. I know he did. He's full of shit if he pretends differently. And Tuesday, when I broke his favorite chair by leaning back too far and he hit me, I mean, I forgave him. It was his favorite chair. I just want him back home. I think the reason he left was because I got too needy. I tried to go eveywhere with him. It got so bad that I followed him into the bathroom once, and when he turned around to sit down on the bowl, he saw me, and his eyes contorted into a confused, almost hurt look. He said, "get out," and just kinda watched me back out like a dog that's just heard a word that kinda sounds like its name. "I'm sorry," I kinda chuckled out, but I got no smile in return. Maybe he had diarrhea. So I'm just dying here. I know he's cheating on me, and I want to die. I have these pills, they're blue, and they'll take the pain away forever. I don't know if I should take them. I mean, if I can't have steve, I don't know that I want to live. They say that suicide is the cowardly, easy way out, but I mean, shut up. You don't know how I feel! --JHC

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