A Tangled Web 

The Memphis weave stories, and Donald Trump may be connected.

click to enlarge DANIEL RAUSTADT | DREAMSTIME.COM
  • Daniel Raustadt | Dreamstime.com

Does anyone else feel like he or she is living in some kind of a weird dream that you just can't shake, no matter how many times you wake up, go back to sleep, and wake up again? There are two words that seem to be the only words in the dream: Donald Trump. Donald Trump. Donald Trump. I feel like some kind of demon has taken hold of me and is casting the Donald Trump spell on me. When it comes to the others in the primary, I kind of almost find myself taking up for him. Someone SHOOT ME NOW, because I think Donald Trump might be the best thing that ever happened to the United States.

Of course, I don't like him and would have to move to Canada along with millions of other Americans if he were to, for some reason known only to the demons, become president, but as a backseat political junkie who's mostly just entertained by it all, I'm getting to the point that I like it when he lashes out at his Republican rivals.

That insipid speech that Mitt Romney gave accusing him of being a fraud and trying to play voters for suckers? First of all: Wow, how original, Mitt. How earth-shattering. I've never heard someone give such a potentially important speech that was nothing but rote regurgitation of what's already been said over and over and over. And when interviewed later, he had that Mitt grin that suggests he was really proud of himself. Secondly, what does he think he's done every time he's run for office. He's just as bad as Trump.

And Ted Cruz? He is one of the smarmiest people ever to run for office in the United States. I can't even fathom the thought of how anyone could stand at a voting machine and press a button beside his name.

It's fun to watch the "establishment" Republicans rushing around like the Keystone Cops trying to stop Trump because they don't see him as a conservative Tea Party candidate. I think that because of Trump, the Republican party could be on its way out. It really couldn't be more out of touch, and now that they are in such raucous frenzy, it's like watching a sitcom. The implosion of the "establishment" Republican party over the real estate developer and reality show host is, in my humble opinion — or IMHO, as you kids say today — making it so that we may never have a Republican president again. We might actually progress as a country instead of going back in time, especially if President Obama pulls off adding a new justice to the Supreme Court.

It occurs to me that the new phenomenon that has been gripping the Mid-South for the past few weeks — and has made for some strange headlines — may also be why Trump acts the way he does. In case you've missed it, there's been a string of crimes involving thefts of human hair extensions. There have even been killings of owners of human hair extension stores. It's become so bad that many women are now convinced the human hair extensions are demonically possessed. Yes, we are talking about wicked weaves and wigs. Evil extensions. Lurid locks. Hate-filled hair.

One of the more chilling soundbites came from a woman who posted this message on YouTube: "Whose-ever hair I was wearing on my head, that heifer had a bad omen and that bad omen followed her from India and came on top of my head, and I took on her spirit."

Another woman, whom we'll refer to here as Rachel, blogged, "I have done Brazilian and Peruvian [hair extensions], so I thought to try something different and more natural ... Indian. Last weekend, I ordered for it and made it. I prayed on it and believed it was fine. Yesterday night, I had the strangest of dreams. I saw that I made a hair that allowed me to pack it, thus project my face and make it look slimmer. All of a sudden, I got into a scam with 3 people who began to chase me all over the place to kill me. I got off from them narrowly then got into a market. There, a madman began to chase me." A madman, no less.

To cut the long story short, Rachel said she narrated the dream to her husband, who asked her to remove her weave. Even though she was reluctant, because it cost so much, she cut it off, anointed her head, and prayed. She then burned it. According to her, "Carrying another's hair is like carrying the person's spirit."

Others suggested soaking the hair extension in the "Blood of Jesus" to purify and cleanse it from any attachment to evil powers and forces ... before wearing it out to a club or to church. Basically, because a lot of the human hair comes from India, the women are now saying that Hindus are satanic because they believe in false idols, and that when they get a weave, the devil is taking over their spirits.

Even I couldn't make up this. So the question I pose is this: Is that human hair on Donald Trump's head from a demonically possessed spirit? Is he being crude, vulgar, and misogynistic because he has a spiritually tainted toupee? I guess we all shall see. Nothing would surprise me now.

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