BARNSTORMING 

BARNSTORMING

GO ASK ALICE Hey fashion-mavens, forget the ominous Owrwellian overtones. The negative utopia of Wonderland is all the rage this season! "I don't understand you," said Alice, "It's dreadfully confusing!" "The effect of living backwards," the Queen said kindly: "it always makes one a little giddy at firstÉFor instance, now," [The White Queen] went on, "there's the King's Messenger. He's in prison now, being punished: and the trial doesn't even begin till next Wednesday: and of course the crime comes last of all." "Suppose he never commits the crime?" said Alice. "That would be all the better, wouldn't it?" the Queen said. --Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass *** In an exclusive interview with FOX News’ Brit Hume, Charles Duelfer-- whose ISG is leading the hunt for weapons of mass destruction -- said terrorists in Iraq are “trying to tap into the Iraqi WMD intellectual capital.” “When we have investigated certain labs and contacted certain former experts in the WMD program, we have found that they are being recruited by anti-coalition groups,” Duelfer told FOX News. “They are being paid by anti-coalition groups. We’re seeing interest in developing chemical munitions.” The same process seems to be happening in Afghanistan, he said. --Fox News website, Thursday June 24, 2004 *** It’s time to take a good long stare into vanity’s crooked glass where nature is perfectly reflected but in reverse. The situation in Iraq grows curiouser and curiousier according to Fox, the most biased news source in the history of American media, and therefore completely trustworthy. Fox reports that Al Qaeda, which had no significant influence in Iraq prior to the U. S. invasion, has emerged from its natural home deep within the Fertile Crescent and is actively working to jumpstart Iraq’s long-defunct WMD program. Why yes, and thanks for asking: that would be the same long-defunct WMD program/imminent threat the American-lead “coalition” was so recently deployed to crush. It’s really quite astonishing how this ultimate solution to a nonexistent problem has now caused the nonexistent problem to become a truly-existent problem, which in turn begs for yet another heavy dose of the final solution. It makes one giddy at first to even consider such historic non-events, and the grave threats they now represent. Oh what I’d give for a sinister disembodied grin right about now. America was confronted with a startling truth on September 11: As long as terrorism exists, nobody in the world is safe. This has resulted in an all-out campaign on behalf of the United States to make the world a more dangerous place and thereby make doubly, even triply certain that no harm will ever come to America or any of her former allies. (See above) That’s why stepped up attacks against American forces in Iraq are proof incontrovertible that we’re winning this glorious war. That’s why Al Qaeda’s recent attempts to construct WMD in Iraq are a positive indicator that Democracy is alive and well, and flourishing in the hearts and minds of Arabs throughout the Middle East. On a related note, it’s turned out to be extremely fortuitous that the U.S. Military (busy smashing up a decidedly unflattering portrait of President Bush’s father, also named President Bush), managed to leave some of Iraq’s less-happening nuclear facilities unguarded, further insuring that no nasty-bomb will ever be used against the Enemies of the Enemies of Freedom. Had the facilities been guarded from the very beginning of the occupation there can be no doubt radioactive material would have fallen into the wrong hands by now. “With all the gala new school openings, lavish proms, and proper commencement exercises, life in Iraq is really quite gay,” says Tweedledee, a fictional member of the Iraqi Governing Council who was unavailable for comment. “And to think,” he adds, voice and index finger raised defiantly, “it’s all happening in Afghanistan too!”

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