Elephants, Newhart, and Powder Cake! 

click to enlarge toc-mag.jpg

"Nobody remembers who won second place." — Walter Hagen

That tweet came from Donald Trump a few weeks back. It returned to haunt him Monday night, when The Donald came in second to Ted Cruz in the Iowa caucuses. And once again, America was left asking the question: Why do we start this whole process in Iowa? A white, rural, fundamentalist state that was won by Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum in the previous two election cycles? It makes no sense.

But it was a weird week for everybody: An internet argument raged for days between Atlanta rapper B.o.B. and scientist Neil deGrasse Tyson over whether the earth is flat. Seriously. Apparently, the flat-earth movement is not dead, and B.o.B. isn't buying this "the earth is round" nonsense. Actually, I suspect that if the GOP presidential candidates learned that a significant number of potential voters were flat-earthers, they'd whip out their "I'm not a scientist" line when confronted with the question.

Speaking of questionable science ... Trump did the near-impossible and turned Fox News' Megyn Kelly into a paragon of tough-minded journalism by skipping the most recent GOP debate, in which we learned that no matter the question, the answer is always: Get rid of Obamacare, kill ISIS, stop immigration, and Hillary Clinton will be a horrible president.

For example, when asked a question about Kim Davis, Chris Christie went full-9/11 and then promised he would destroy ISIS. To prevent gay marriage, I suppose? I don't know.

We learned that soon-to-be-former-candidate Ben Carson can memorize the opening lines of the Constitution and that he stacks words like Jenga sticks. My favorite quote: "Putin is a one-horse country."

Ted Cruz tried to make a joke about Trump, but it fell flat, and Bette Midler tweeted that he couldn't improvise a fart at a baked bean dinner. Which was much funnier than Ted's line. Also, Ted likes mandates. A lot.

John Kasich tried hard to bring some sense to the occasion, but he will likely soon return to his role as the other brother Daryll on Newhart.

Oh yeah, Facebook deaths this week included Joe Cocker (again), Pete Seeger (again), and Yanni, who is still alive, to the disappointment of many.

In local news, it was the week that the Grizzlies found themselves and the Tigers stayed lost. Overton Park advocates and the Memphis Zoo remained entangled in a battle over the Greensward parking issue, with the zoo showing all the grace of a tranquilized elephant running the high hurdles. Or Jeb Bush in a debate. Your call.

And Flyer reporter Toby Sells broke the story that District Attorney Amy Weirich and her assistant Stephen Jones were being hit with a censure by the Tennessee Supreme Court's Board of Professional Responsibility for their actions in the trial of Noura Jackson. This led to an epic comment battle on the Flyer website, with one fellow suggesting that the DA's office was a "powder cake" ready to implode.

Which reminds me of the time a Flyer intern once wrote, "It's a doggy dog world out there."

And indeed it is.

Keep the Flyer Free!

Always independent, always free (never a paywall),
the Memphis Flyer is your source for the best in local news and information.

Now we want to expand and enhance our work.
That's why we're asking you to join us as a Frequent Flyer member.

You'll get membership perks (find out more about those here) and help us continue to deliver the independent journalism you've come to expect.


Favorite

Comments (3)

Showing 1-3 of 3

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-3 of 3

Add a comment

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

Blogs

Hungry Memphis

Gordon Ramsay's in Memphis to Save a Restaurant!

News Blog

TVA CEO Set to Retire in April

News Blog

Leaders Work to Revamp Public Art Guidelines

Tiger Blue

Three Thoughts on Tiger Football

Tiger Blue

#22 LSU 85, Tigers 76

Film/TV/Etc. Blog

This Week At The Cinema: Indie Memphis Winners and BTS

Beyond the Arc

Grizzlies Lose First Home Game to Utah Jazz 96 - 88

Film/TV/Etc. Blog

Music Video Monday: Kohinoorgasm

From My Seat

Goose Bumps Galore

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Bruce VanWyngarden

Readers also liked…

ADVERTISEMENT
© 1996-2018

Contemporary Media
460 Tennessee Street, 2nd Floor | Memphis, TN 38103
Visit our other sites: Memphis Magazine | Memphis Parent | Inside Memphis Business
Powered by Foundation