Fly on the Wall 1555 

Dammit, Gannett

Here are some things Maribel Wadsworth, president of USA Today Network, allegedly told Gannett employees during a company-wide conference call, according to the Nashville Scene, with an easy-to-understand translation for folks who don't work in print media and are therefore unaccustomed to the industry's famously colorful jargon.

• "As we continue this transition ... it's important to understand ... that it will require us to think about our overall cost structure in alignment with profitability." Translated: Layoffs are coming.

• "Going forward, we will be a smaller company." Translated: Layoffs are coming.

• "It's gonna feel rocky at times. It just is. We just have to be very clear-eyed about that." Translated: Layoffs are coming.

Tennessean staffers were also told:

click to enlarge flyby_fotw.jpg

• "There is no plan for a mass layoff before Christmas."

Translation: HAPPY NEW YEAR, SUCKERS!

Neverending Elvis

Friedberg, Germany, where Sergeant Elvis Presley was stationed from October 1958 to March 1960, unveiled Elvis-themed pedestrian traffic lights last week.

Green dancing Elvis: Go. Red singing Elvis: Stop. Look and listen at your leisure.

Verbatim

"The son of God, Jesus Christ, He is the only one I've ever met who can handle my junk." Hugh Freeze, former Ole Miss football coach, after school officials found a "pattern of personal misconduct."

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