Fly on the Wall 

Fly Bye

Last month, Fly on the Wall was pleased to report that Playhouse on the Square had been selected as one of a handful of American theaters trashy enough to debut the award-winning British hit Jerry Springer, the Opera (and we mean that as a compliment).

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Not only is Playhouse bringing exciting new work to town, by staging a musical about Springer and his notoriously trashy talk show, they are accurately reflecting the true nature of Memphis and the Mid-South. At least that's exactly what one might believe if this column was their sole source of news in 2006. After all, this is where news broke about the woman who, claiming to be JonBenet Ramsey and the president of the United States, addressed the Land Use Control Board about the potentially devastating effects of laser beams on our streets and the danger we face as more and more Mexicans cross the boarder to harvest healthy American organs.

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And speaking of land use, FOTW tipped its readers to an emerging subdivision in Southeast Memphis that promises to provide a utopian environment for residents until they turn 30 and are summarily killed. Sex and/or the banning of sex was all the rage in 2006. Mississippi ensured that only outlaws would have dildos by outlawing most vaguely penis-shaped items made of rubber or plastic. As of this printing, bananas, cucumbers, and deli-style bologna are still available, and Mississippi officials have been unable to convince citizens to voluntarily surrender their fingers. And 2006 is the year when even businesses not connected to the sex industry wanted to seem like they were.

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In 2006, silliness reigned supreme. Television reporters exposed the discovery of fecal matter on public toilets, Jake Ford ran for Congress, and some guy named Telly Savalis Johnson went on a shooting spree, presumably because of one too many Kojak jokes.

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With so much insanity in 2006, all we can say is: We're glad the police are hiring.

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Or not. Goodbye to 2006, and good riddance!



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