Fly on the Wall 

Elvis Wept

According to an entertainment story posted on the Fox News website, managers at Graceland are looking for people "with personal stories to tell about" Elvis Presley. Former NFL athlete John "Bull" Bramlett, who played touch football with Presley near the Lauderdale Courts housing project in the 1950s, is singled out as an example of the kind of people and stories the Graceland managers are looking for. Bramlett describes Elvis as a "great guy" and an "average athlete."

"I thought he kind of ran like a girl," Bramlett was quoted as saying. "It was just a funny way that he ran."

Girls, Girls, Girls

Bad news for young Memphis guys who can't get a date: You're doing something wrong. According to research coming out of the University of Michigan, Memphis is a city to avoid if you're a single woman looking for a committed relationship. Because younger women represent a majority here, the menfolk are "kept busy" and are more likely to "keep their options open."

Bonus Baloney

On his June 10th radio program, CNN fear monger and conspiracy theorist Lou Dobbs lavished unqualified praise on Mirabile Investment Corporation (MIC), a Memphis-based Burger King franchisee, for having the "guts" to ignore and disparage its legally binding franchise agreement with the Burger King Corporation and the good business sense to post the controversial words "GLOBAL WARMING IS BALONEY" on exterior signs across West Tennessee and parts of Mississippi and Arkansas. Dobbs, who oxymoronically describes himself as a "militant moderate," helped to make MIC's defiance seem downright patriotic by asking the company to honor his birthday with signs reading "Welcome home troops."

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