Fly on the Wall 

Speech Therapy

In the prepared transcript for his first State of the City address, Memphis mayor A C Wharton defined Memphis' "ECOMONOMIC IMPARATIVE." It's about time the Mid-South had a leader who is willing to stand up for what's right and craft a more earth-friendly MONOMIC policy.

Booked

From a book review for the fantasy novel The Left Hand of God in the Telegraph: "After various trials, [the central characters] find themselves in Memphis, not the home of Elvis, but a teeming city of depravity, pimps, and perverts living alongside a ruling class whose women are the most beautiful, and disdainful, on Earth." Or maybe that part of the book is set in Memphis, "the home of Elvis," after all.

Ouchie!

Usually when police reports document the use of guns, they mean the kind that fire bullets. But Memphian Pedro Kennedy recently stopped an attempted home invasion by hitting accused invader Dartaniel Johnson in the face repeatedly with a staple gun.

Weird Crime

Talk about unusual hood ornaments: According to police accounts, Corrine Hines-Smith was clocked driving 60 mph. Subsequently, officers noticed a man holding onto her car hood for dear life. Hines-Smith, who had been arguing with her boyfriend Jerome Simmons, was arrested for aggravated assault while Simmons, who threw himself on the car as she drove away, wasn't even cited for being way over the top.

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