Fly on the Wall 

Verbatim CNN's interview with 61-year-old Danny Hayes, who refused to evacuate his nearly-flooded Bogota, Tennessee trailer, was certainly good TV. "It's illegal to kill snakes in Tennessee unless it's for your own protection," Hayes said, with the suggestion that he was using the word "snakes" as a euphemism for all sorts of predators. To make his point, Hayes shot his pistol into the water. "I am a crazy old man," he said with a laugh, "and I will shoot the hell out of you, and I am serious about that."

Talking S%*#heads Despite pleas from safety officials, visiting TV news reporters, like ABC's Diane Sawyer, last week waded into the flooded Mississippi River to deliver their reports. Some waded only to their knees, while others went nipple-deep. It was subsequently announced that the floodwater contained 2,000 times the acceptable level of fecal material.

No Pants! Claudell Whitfield was arrested for walking around in public without any pants. Whitfield, who was wearing a shirt and a wig, was charged with indecent exposure and not having his sex-offender identification, which was a likely result of not wearing pants in the first place. At least he looks happy in his mug shot.

Memphis, the Brand If you make great ribs and change your name to Memphis, the world beats a path to your door. The Reisterstown Patch in Reistertown, Maryland, reports that the restaurant formerly known as Micho's quadrupled its business after changing its names to Memphis on Main and adding barbecue to the menu.

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