Letter from the Editor 

"It was a sobering experience," said Lindsay Lohan to OK! magazine upon leaving her rehab facility in Utah this week.

Yes, that's an actual quote from LiLo (as we call her in the journo biz). Sometimes it's just too easy, I tell you. These Hollywood people are comedy gold. Here are a few more I dug, er, made up.

"It was truly a revealing experience," said Britney Spears, emerging from her SUV after a night of partying. "But I couldn't bare it anymore."

"I just wish people would stop needling me about my bad habits," said singer Amy Winehouse, as she stumbled over her boyfriend's limp body in the street.

"My marriage to Pamela Anderson was a bust," said Kid Rock on the Letterman show, "though there are a couple of big things I'll miss."

And even politicians aren't immune from such gaffes:

"It was a black day for Memphis," said Carol Chumney, as she lamented her defeat in the Memphis mayoral race.

"I thought there was light at the end of the tunnel," said third-place finisher and former MLGW chief Herman Morris, "but we just ran out of gas."

"What a race!" said Mayor Herenton at his victory celebration. "We had to play every card in the deck."

And on the national scene, things aren't much different:

B "I think we'll win by a hair in Iowa," said John Edwards.

"I'll be boring into the issues soon," said Fred Thompson. "In this game, if you snooze, you lose."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch," said Hillary Clinton. "Why can't people understand that I wear the pants around here?"

"I've got a Big Love for this country," said Mitt Romney. "Anything else you've heard is a bunch of old wives' tales."

"We're starting this campaign at Ground Zero," said Rudy Giuliani. "Then we're going to scare up as many votes as we can."

"I'm vetoing health-care for 10 million kids because to do otherwise will ruin this healthy economy," said President George Bush. "Besides, our childrens do learn."

I only wish I'd made up that last one.

Bruce VanWyngarden

brucev@memphisflyer.com

Favorite

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT

Blogs

Beyond the Arc

Celtics 102, Grizzlies 93: Five Thoughts

Tiger Blue

Louisville 81, Tigers 72

Film/TV/Etc. Blog

Star Wars: The Last Jedi

Beyond the Arc

THE GRIZZLIES WON A BASKETBALL GAME

News Blog

Public Picks Zoo Parking Lot Plan

Politics Beat Blog

Left Activists Intrude on Meeting of Shelby County Democrats

Politics Beat Blog

GOP Figure Bill Giannini Killed in Car Crash

Politics Beat Blog

Mackler Out of Senate Race, Yields to Bredesen

Beyond the Arc

The Hustle Dispatch: Week 6

News Blog

Cooper-Young Nears Historical Landmark Status

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Bruce VanWyngarden

Readers also liked…

  • Blowing in the Wind ...

    • Sep 14, 2017
  • Who to Hate?

    Well, now we know the culprit behind the mass murders in Orlando, Sunday morning. It was the Obama administration's "political correctness." At least that was what was responsible, according to an NRA spokesperson, Donald Trump, and Ted Cruz, to name just three GOP leaders who propagated this hogwash ...
    • Jun 16, 2016
  • Bombs Over Memphis

    • Jul 7, 2016
ADVERTISEMENT
© 1996-2017

Contemporary Media
460 Tennessee Street, 2nd Floor | Memphis, TN 38103
Visit our other sites: Memphis Magazine | Memphis Parent | Inside Memphis Business
Powered by Foundation