Millenium Madness 

To celebrate the Flyer’s 25th year, we’ll be using this space each week to look back on stories from past issues.

It's not often a publication gets to celebrate the end of a century. And by "not often," we mean only every 100 years.

The Flyer was all of 11 years old at the turn of this century, and boy did we celebrate Millenial madness. We dedicated the entire December 30, 1999, issue to the Millenium. There was a lot of "humor," including a number of articles themed around "the best of the past 1,000 years."

"The Worst Fashion Mistakes of the Past 1,000 Years," for example. Codpieces was one of the punchlines, as was the "cone­-shaped bra." We also featured an "interview" with a 101­-year-­old man. When he was asked about the Millenium, he replied, "Isn't that the stuff Reynolds puts in boxes?" No, the interviewer (former staffer Jim Hanas) replied. "You're thinking of aluminum."

Hey, it was 1999. We've gotten funnier since then.

Actually, one article was pretty funny. It was Michael Finger's story called "The 10 Greatest Pickup Lines of the Last Millenium." Read it in its entirety and laugh your socks off:

"The past 1,000 years have been packed with triumph and tragedy, war and peace, laughter and tears. Through it all, mankind has sought true love, or at least the occasional one­-nighter, with varying degrees of success. As a public service, the Flyer has gathered in one place the wisdom of the ages, namely ... The 10 Greatest Pickup Lines of the Last Millennium."

* "I've got something that glows in the dark. Wanna see?" — Madame Curie

(success rate with this line: 25 percent).

* "You know, your eyes sparkle like the rubies and gold that I intend to pillage in the New World. Wanna come along for the ride?" — Balboa, or maybe it was Cortez. No, it was Magellan, pretty sure. (success rate: 47 percent).

* "Oh, I'll bet you'd be terrific as the Queen of Spain." — El Cid (success rate: 34 percent).

* "One night with me, my lady, and I promise you will lose your head entirely." — Henry VIII (success rate: 45 percent).

* "Want to turn on?" — Thomas Edison (success rate: 12 percent).

* "Oh, come on, let's give it a shot." — John Wilkes Booth (success rate: never determined).

* "My dear, my monument is far larger than that Jefferson guy's." — George Washington (success rate: 65 percent).

* "Why do you think they call me Old Hickory?" — Andrew Jackson (success rate: 59 percent).

click to enlarge flyby_beatlesstar-w.jpg

* "I wanna hold your hand. For starters." — John, Paul, George, or Ringo (success rate: 80 percent for John, Paul, and George; 23 percent for Ringo).

* "If you don't do me, you'll get stuck with Ringo." — John, Paul, or George (success rate: 95 percent).

* "I'll give you one billion dollars to sleep with me. Cash." — Bill Gates (success rate: 100 percent).


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