PURITAN VALUES 

PURITAN VALUES

Do you long for those good old days when punishments actual ly fit the crime? Do you miss thumbscrews? Witch hunts? Moral zealotry posing as useful and effective litigation? Young Goodman John and widow Doxie Lounger, ye have been accused of patronage and of prostitution and are hereby sentenced to a week in the stocks. Ye will be put on display in the town square to be spat upon, mocked, flogged, and otherwise made to know the magnitude of your sins which are manifold abominations in the eyes of God and the law. Well, if you want your 17th-century justice today, we ve got some good news for you: It s baa-aaack. That s right! If you get caught picking up a prostitute, you might have your face plastered all over the nightly news* (well, at least on WMC-TV 5, where else?). That s right, you too can be an ob ject of public scorn. And if you have kids, and their friends see you on the news, the psychological scarring increases exponentially. It s crazy justice fun for the whole family! And remember, should you lose your job, your family, and your place in society because you picked up a prostitute, don t worry. There s always room for another public embarrassment on the Memphis City Council. * Remember, it s not a sleazy bid for better ratings if it s also a public service.

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