Stop Saying That! 

Phrases and words that need to be retired permanently.

Since spring is the time for renewal and new beginnings, the occasion is ripe for the annual list of words and phrases that I just can't stand hearing anymore. And I stand behind that statement 110 percent. Any such list would be derelict without including the annoying phrase of the year: "alternative facts." Popularized by the vapid Kellyanne Conway, the term can easily be translated as "bullshit." So. When asked a question, it seems everyone from pundits to pandits begins their answer with the word "so," as in: "Explain why are you in jail?" "So, I was running naked through Wal-Mart and got tackled by a security guard." This should be acceptable only at the beginning of a joke, i.e., "So, this giraffe walks into a bar and says, 'The highballs are on me.'"

There's no there there. Nothing to see here folks. Just keep moving.
Air quotes. If I see one more goober claw the sky with two fingers on each hand, there's a chance that I may get violent. Or at least violently sick. Please use your words instead, like "so-called" president or the "alleged" attorney general.

click to enlarge Kellyanne Conway - REUTERS︱MIKE THEILER
  • Reuters︱Mike Theiler
  • Kellyanne Conway

Nothing burger. I'll gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today. No beef, no bun, no condiments, no garnishment.
No prob./No worries. This is a phrase popularized by restaurant wait-staff when you ask for something like unsweetened tea. It shouldn't be a problem if it's their job.
Breaking News. The original sin of all local newscasts. Now, everything is "Breaking News," even if it's already broken. A wreck on the interstate is not really "breaking news," unless it was an oil tanker and the highway's on fire. And while we're at it, a "severe thunderstorm watch" is no reason to preempt Jeopardy!
6:00 a.m. in the morning. An agonizing redundancy. Everyone knows a.m. means morning. Use one or the other, or risk using needless words with ample abundance.
No-brainer. This one's really a no-brainer. Use "foregone conclusion" instead. It makes you sound smarter. Cray. I get it. I just wish my wife would stop using this expression in reference to me.
Alt-right. Let's just call them what they are: Nazis.
America First. Speaking of Nazis, this expression was popularized during WWII and became the name of the national, anti-Semitic, isolationist organization whose purpose was to appease Hitler. Dog whistles or ignorance?
Game-changer. To have one's course altered, as in: That bout with syphilis was a real game-changer for Al Capone.
Non-usage of the consonant "T." When did this catch on? Examples: "No you di'nt, Bill Clin'on," or, "I have something impor'nt to tell you." Used by all races and levels of education, this trend is irrita'ng for errbody. Baby bump. Such an unbelievable trivialization of the term "preggers."
Make America Great Again. Ronald Reagan used this slogan in the '80s and it still makes me gag. Let's go ahead and include,
Bigly, many people say, the liberal media, this I can tell you, classy, and radical Islamic terrorism. The mother of all... and blank "gate." We just dropped the mother of all bombs in Afghanistan to retaliate for the mother of all wars in Iraq. At home, Chris Christie gave us "Bridgegate," and we're about to enter a phase called "Kremlin-gate." We're not even going to mention "Pee-gate."
Drop. As in: Beyonce's new single will drop this week. Now, even Rachel Maddow is saying, "New legislation drops tomorrow." And while we're at it, let's include the mic drop. Obama out.
Walk it back and misspoke. These terms will become increasingly commonplace during the tenure of Press Secretary Sean Spicer. They are Washington colloquialisms for "lying." LOL. Enough already. Stop laughing at your own jokes.
And finally: Bill O'Reilly. So long, sucker. Now, let's take this thing to the next level.
Randy Haspel writes the "Recycled Hippies" blog.


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