TAKING CARE OF BONG HITS 

TAKING CARE OF BONG HITS

The festivities surrounding Elvis' birth week always pale in comparison to the teeming tent revival of Death Week, but at least one glossy periodical has given Memphis' favorite Capricorn a little present. In a move that surely caused the image-conscious Elvis Presley Enterprises to say, "Holy @%&ing son-of-a-%&!$#!!!," High Times, the Cigar Aficionado of hardcore potheads, has made an older, hairier, more zoned-out Elvis its February cover boy. In his touching story about eating a gob of acid and interviewing fans at Graceland during the Candlelight Vigil, reporter Chris Simunek never shies away from the tough questions. "Do you get the impression that maybe there's a jar somewhere with Colonel Parker's brain in it that's calling all the shots?" he asks. Well, do you? But it's in Simunek's obligatory stoner side-trip deep into the mystical Mississippi Delta, searching for that lonely old crossroads where blues hero Robert Johnson supposedly swapped his soul for a finely tuned guitar, that things get really, REALLY cosmic. "I had questions that could only be answered by an eternal being," he writes, unable to fathom why Satan would claim Johnson so soon after the infernal contract was signed and asking why nice guys like Elvis have "to die at 42 ... while [Ronald] Reagan lives a long, vicious life and gets to spend his autumn days pampered and spoon-fed, his conscience wiped as clean as a newborn baby's." Of course it doesn't take an eternal being to answer any of those old questions. Duh! Those who accept material goods or talents from the devil in exchange for his right to spank their souls for eternity become Satan's hos, and, like most hos, live short, hard, superficially glamorous lives. On the other hand, those who willingly do the devil's work using their self-acquired, or possibly God-given talents, enter into limited partnership with the dark forces and receive an extensive benefits package with a nice "golden parachute." As for poor Elvis? Well, that ol' boy just didn't eat right.

Comments

Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT
    • More Power To You

      TVA considers big changes for an energy-efficient future.
    • Historic Cooper-Young

      Midtown neighborhood on the path for historic protections.

Blogs

Tiger Blue

#18 Tigers 66, SMU 45

Film/TV/Etc. Blog

Indie Memphis' Greatest Hits 5:

News Blog

Q & A With MCA President Laura Hine

Politics Beat Blog

Cohen, 5 House Colleagues Launch Impeachment Effort Against Trump

Music Blog

Band Geeks: A Live Tribute to The Last Waltz

Politics Beat Blog

Democrat Dean, On Nashville-Memphis Back-and-Forth: "I Love I-40!"

Beyond the Arc

The Hustle Report: Week 2

Fly On The Wall Blog

Memphis College of Art in the 1960's-70's

ADVERTISEMENT

More by Chris Davis

Readers also liked…

ADVERTISEMENT
© 1996-2017

Contemporary Media
460 Tennessee Street, 2nd Floor | Memphis, TN 38103
Visit our other sites: Memphis Magazine | Memphis Parent | Inside Memphis Business
Powered by Foundation