The Rant 

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. I've been off to a place to rest in the country for a brief spell without much access to the news or Internet, which I can't access right now to gain more information about this because my server is down temporarily (I never thought I would actually write those words), but I heard on the periphery that someone, somehow, changed the Seven Wonders of the World. How exactly did this happen? Who was in charge? How can the seven great wonders of the world be changed, thereby shattering my childhood fascination and now my childhood memory — not to mention giving me something else new to have to remember. It's like changing the planets. I guess there are the man-made wonders and the natural wonders. At least I think that's the case. It seems that I read that whoever was behind these shenanigans tried to add the Statue of Liberty, which drew some sneers because this voting deal or announcement or whatever it was took place outside the United States, which means, even though the statue was a gift from France, it is very "American" and not too many outsiders are overly fond of us right now. I think even some of the pyramids in Egypt were in danger of being taken off the list, which really pissed the Egyptians off. Oh, hold on just a minute. Okay. I just rifled through some newspapers and found an article on this. It seems the contest was instigated by a group called "New Seven Wonders of the World," headed by someone from Switzerland named Bernard Weber. How did I not hear about this? And to make it even worse, the public made the decisions on the new wonders by voting via the Internet, with no way to keep people from voting more than once. It's a little like American Idol. I don't think the masses should be able to change the Seven Wonders of the World, because there's no way to know if those who are voting are nuts or not. It's just like the United States jury system, one of the most awful things ever to happen in the world of justice. They say if you are on trial and there's a jury, it's a group of your peers. Well, I doubt that. There can be wife-beaters, drunks, religious zealots, people who drive Hummers, racists, people who have "W The President" and "Support Our Troops" stickers on said gas-guzzling Hummers, people who eat at Perkins, people who let their children scream in restaurants, people who talk on their cell phones in the movie theater, and, well, the list goes on and on. These are not my peers and I would not want my fate in their lunatic hands if were I on trial for some reason and I do not think they should be voting to change the Seven Wonders of the World. I hope ol' Bernard knows that this makes it possible for members of al-Qaeda and the Taliban to vote. What really should qualify as a New Wonder of the World is the U.S. president, who will now go down in history as flicking a giant booger at the face of every American when he thumbed his nose at decency yet again by commuting Scooter Libby's sentence. It was obviously done to keep Libby from spilling the beans on Dick Cheney, who is yet another Wonder of the World, what with the heart attacks and lesbian daughter having a baby and shooting his friend and all. Oh, wait. They can't be on the list of the Seven New Wonders of the World because these new wonders have to be man-made! And these two obviously were spit out of an evil machine on another planet and placed in their mothers' wombs. But back to the real Seven New Wonders of the World: How on earth did the Sydney Opera House get on the finalist list? Uh, it's a building that was designed by an architect and was built by construction workers, no? I mean, it's cool and all, but a Wonder of the World? See? The great unwashed should not have been able to play a part in this. And I think my house should be on the list. You would too if you could see it, which you can't because it is totally hidden from view by overgrown shrubs, hedges, and vines. But it is a wonder. I currently have a population of summer roaches that apparently have their own weight room and snack bar. My cats have managed to break several windows and remove the window screens so if they get into those particular rooms they can slither through the broken glass and escape all the way to the front porch. If you touch my refrigerator and stove at the same time you come close to being electrocuted. But because of the sheer and stunning beauty of the décor, I do believe it should have at least been a New Wonder contender. But then, I guess Machu Picchu probably did deserve more votes, even if those pesky Peruvians did cheat by voting more than once. I wonder if Ophelia Ford would be on the list if dead persons' votes counted. Speaking of Wonders of the World.



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