“What have we come to as a society when these innocent kids and teachers are gunned down? These school shootings bring me to my knees. What do we do to stop this?”
It was a sad and sobering Facebook post from a longtime friend, one with whom I don’t have a lot in common politically, but whose intelligence I respect.
I responded: “Every country on the planet has mental health issues, video games, violent movies, etc. but only one country has mass shootings every week. The difference is clear. We’ve made it way too easy to obtain high-powered guns. Do we have the political will to do anything about it? I doubt it. The NRA owns Congress and the Senate and the state legislatures. Until that changes, nothing changes.”
And thus, the pot was stirred.
From somebody named Darlla*: “Well, here we go again, trying to make something political out of tragedy. Sorry, Bruce, gun laws won’t stop evil people. There’s a mental illness in our young people and they will manage to get a gun no matter the law. Those people who are calling for more gun control are the same ones who think abortion is okay. There is a disrespect for life, it’s not a gun problem.”
I responded: “Oh, I guess since laws don’t work you’ll want to stop trying to ban abortions, right? And if the problem is a ‘mental illness in our young people,’ then how do you explain all the non-teenagers who commit the same heinous acts with the same weapons?”
“Hmmm,” she responded. “Interesting questions. I’ll have to think on it.”
Then, Doug, a guy who went to my high school 40 years ago, chimed in: “You’re thinking is the problem, Bruce. More people are killed with knives and cars every year than guns. Why don’t you gripe about them?”
Sigh: “Yes, Doug, because there are so darn many mass knifings and indiscriminate car slaughters. Brilliant analogy. Look, moron, the number of people killed in car accidents and mass murders in elementary schools are not comparable problems. I can’t with your bullshit. Carry on. Also it’s ‘your.’”
“Oh,” he responded. “My bad, sorry. You make some good points. And I’ll be more careful with my grammar.”
A guy I didn’t know chimed in: “If someone is breaking into your home, Bruce, do you call the police with a gun or the fire department with a hose? THAT’S your real test.”
“What?” I said. “Why would I call the fire department, you idiot? If someone was breaking into my house, I’d pull out my Beretta semi-automatic .12 gauge and use it if I had to. And I’d also call the cops.”
“Wait,” he said. “Why would someone like you have a gun?”
“Because,” I said, “you are assuming that owning a gun means being in favor of allowing unrestricted purchases of assault weapons.”
“Oh,” he said. “I get it. Thanks for clearing that up.”
I was starting to feel like Bruce Lee in Fist of Fury, just whaling on these fools coming at me from all directions. Who else wants some of this?
Turns out, Chitty did. “Maybe we should have SUV control, after the Waukesha mow-down,” she said. “And If you are outraged because you think we need more gun laws, you should be just as outraged at the drugs coming across our open borders. There are more than seven times as many drug overdoses a year in the United States than homicides. Maybe we should ban drugs.”
“Um, Chitty,” I said. “Many drugs are banned, and you need a prescription for thousands of other pharmaceuticals. But no one’s attacking elementary school kids and drugging them to death. No one’s driving SUVs into schools, stores, and churches and killing a dozen people at a time every week. Guns are the problem, and how you can ignore that reality astounds me. They say America is the stupidest f**king country in the world. You, my friend, are Exhibit A.”
Chitty didn’t respond. I assume she slipped off into the internet somewhere and changed her identity. Damn, that felt good.
Then I felt a warm wet tongue on my face and smelled Olive’s doggy morning breath. I opened my eyes to see daylight flooding the room. And suddenly I was awake, still in America, still in the stupidest f**king country on the planet.
*Names have been changed to protect the ignorant. And my life.