Goals
Gavin Rivers Weisenburg, 21, of Allen, Texas, and Tanner Christopher Thomas, 20, of Argyle, Texas, were indicted on Nov. 20 in U.S. District Court for a bizarre plot to carry out a coup on Gonave Island, near Haiti. The New York Times reported that the men hatched their plan in 2024; both were learning Haitian Creole, and Weisenburg joined the North Texas Fire Academy to learn “command-and-control protocols.” He flunked out in February 2025. Thomas joined the U.S. Air Force and was stationed in Maryland, and both men planned to recruit homeless people from around Washington, D.C., to assist in the coup. After sailing to and gaining control of the island, Weisenburg and Thomas planned to kill all the men and make the women and children sex slaves. The would-be conquerors could face up to life in federal prison. [New York Times, 11/22/2025]
Perspective (or Lack Thereof)
On Nov. 7 at Louis Armstrong New Orleans International Airport, Corey Johnson, 35, of Alexandria, Louisiana, tried to exit the short-term parking lot, but he wasn’t able to pay the fee. People magazine reported that Johnson at first refused to move his Jeep out of the exit lane but later agreed to pull aside while he worked out payment. Around 10 p.m., while Johnson was still stuck in the parking lot, the airport’s Aviation Communications center received a threatening phone call, suggesting a bomb would be detonated if the operator did not “page Hassan.” The center received another call around 10:35, saying he wanted “Hassan” “to bring the bomb to level three.” Deputies pinged the phone making the calls and traced it back to Johnson; by 11 p.m., he was under arrest. On Nov. 20, Johnson was indicted for willfully conveying a bomb threat. He could face up to 10 years in prison and a $250,000 fine — way more than the parking fee. [People, 12/3/2025]
Raccoons Gone Wild
• An ABC liquor store in Ashland, Virginia, had a break-in early on Nov. 29, but it wasn’t a robber. The New York Times reported that a raccoon fell through the ceiling of the store, then set about trying a wide variety of alcohol: rum, moonshine, peanut butter whiskey, vodka, and, of course, eggnog. “It broke several bottles and consumed the spirits,” said Carol Mawyer, PR manager for Virginia ABC. When police and animal control responded, the blotto beast was passed out face-down on the floor of the bathroom. The raccoon woke up after about one and half hour and showed no signs of injury. It was released back into the wild. [New York Times, 12/3/2025]
• No good raccoon deed goes unpunished, as a man in Cherokee County, Georgia, learned during Thanksgiving week. CBS News reported that the unnamed man saw the injured animal in the road and stopped to help it, wrapping it in his coat and holding it against his chest as he drove to the Chattahoochee Nature Center more than an hour away. At some point, the raccoon became loose and bit the man on his face and hands. At the center, employees urged him to go to the hospital; meanwhile, the raccoon was euthanized and tested for rabies. Result: Positive. “Please take a minute and assess the situation before attempting to capture wildlife without direction,” the center posted. [CBS News, 12/1/2025]
Suspicions Confirmed
Police in Auckland, New Zealand, are holding a man in custody, presumably awaiting a certain biological development, after he was accused of swallowing a $19,000 Fabergé egg pendant on Nov. 28, the BBC reported. Officers went to Partridge Jewellers and arrested the 32-year-old man, who has undergone a medical assessment. Talk about crap duty: “An officer is assigned to constantly monitor the man,” Inspector Grae Anderson said. “At this stage, the pendant has not been recovered.” The egg is set with white diamonds and blue sapphires and has an 18-karat-gold miniature octopus inside. [BBC, 12/3/2025]
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