News That Sounds Like a Joke
Police in Jacksonville, Florida, are looking for a suspect who “fondled” a $650 ferret for some time at a Petland store, then shoved the animal down his shorts, and walked out. The Smoking Gun reported that on May 27, the man “browsed the ferret section of the store” before he left, holding “the crotch area of his shorts to support the ferret.” A Petland manager tried to chase him but couldn’t get the license plate number of the van he was driving. [The Smoking Gun, 5/29/2025]
Unclear on the Concept
At Chicago’s O’Hare International Airport on May 17, a lost DoorDash driver made it past a security gate and onto the tarmac, driving a significant distance before being stopped by airport personnel, WKRC-TV reported. The 36-year-old driver stopped near a grounded aircraft and showed the food receipt and meal he was trying to deliver; he was released without any citations. However, the security employee at the gate was relieved of her duties after letting the car pass through her post. [WKRC, 6/7/2025]
That’s Punny
In London’s Brockwell Park, the annual Lambeth Country Show kicked off on June 7 with livestock competitions, sheep shearing and, most notably, a vegetable sculpture contest, the Associated Press reported. “Every year, this is what we get so excited about, is the vegetable sculptures,” said fair-goer Maddy Luxon. “We love the political ones.” And her friend Marek Szandrowski added, “The puns.” For example, one sculpture featured Catholic cardinals made of corn: “Cornclave.” Another called “Cauli Parton” was shown in a scene from “9 to Chive.” President Donald Trump was depicted in butternut squash form. [AP, 6/8/2025]
To Your Point
Lake of the Isles, a neighborhood in Minneapolis, marks the start of summer by sharpening a pencil — a 20-foot-tall wooden pencil sculpted from a tree damaged in a storm several years ago. The Associated Press reported on June 7 that residents John and Amy Higgins wanted to give the tree new life, so they enlisted wood sculptor Curtis Ingvoldstad to fashion a No. 2 pencil. “Why a pencil? Everybody uses a pencil,” said Amy. Every year, they sharpen it with a custom-made sharpener carried up to the point on scaffolding, taking off 3 to 10 inches. The Higginses know that one day, their pencil will be a stub, but they’re okay with that. They just want the ritual to pull the community together. The party includes entertainment and music, and people dress as pencils or erasers. [AP, 6/7/2025]
The Golden Age of Air Travel
At Milan’s Malpensa Airport on June 8, a Chinese woman went full-on toddler tantrum after being told her carry-on bag was too heavy to fly, news.com.au reported. The woman was boarding a flight when staff tried to check her carry-on suitcase, but when they told her it was over the weight limit, she hit the floor, rolling around, stamping her feet, and yelling. Authorities eventually removed her from the flight, and she later rebooked after calming down. Videos of her antics have since gone viral, provoking comments such as “This is shameless and disgraceful behavior” and “This is so embarrassing.” [news.com.au, 6/11/2025]
But Why?
A woman shopping “in aisle 18 at Sam’s Club” in Orlando, Florida, got an eyeful on May 30 when she caught Patrick Mitchell, 70, urinating on two pallets of canned Spam and Vienna sausages, The Smoking Gun reported. Police said the witness snapped a photo and reported the incident to store employees, who confirmed that the pallets, worth $10,584.54, had been “contaminated with bodily fluids.” After relieving himself, Mitchell strolled around the store and tested some patio furniture before checking out and leaving. Mitchell was arrested at his home in The Villages, a retirement community, and charged with disorderly conduct and criminal mischief. [The Smoking Gun, 6/11/2025]
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NEWS OF THE WEIRD
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