ON GOLDEN POND

Listen:

Last night, I was in bed with this guy I just began seeing and he asked me to pee on him! Iย’ve heard about this on television shows, but never thought anyone would want that done to them. I was completely grossed out and he said he would wait until Iย’m ready to do that. After this, Iย’m not sure Iย’m attracted to him physically anymore or that I would ever be ย“readyร“ to pee on anyone.What should I do?

Signed,

Able to Hold It

Okay:

I canย’t see what peeing on him would hurt, other than your bed sheets and mattress. But if you moved it to the bathroom, eh, why not? Not as erotic, perhaps, but much cleaner.

Honestly, I donย’t see the turn-on of the golden shower. But if it gets his rocks off and doesnย’t hurt you, I donย’t see why you shouldnย’t indulge him, either. Maybe this will become that special thing that you do for that special someone once a year on his birthday or whatever perimeters you choose to set up. Or you might not ever do this at all. That seems up to you and your comfort levels.

I hope I donย’t have to tell you that you donย’t have to do anything you donย’t want to do. If you wonย’t ever be ready, fine. Let the boy go so he can find someone else to indulge with. Same thing with not being attracted to him. If you canย’t use (or abuse) him, let him go.

I think we can all get mental blocks. Like, if I see someone lick a toilet seat, I know I will never kiss that person, no matter how many times they brush and floss and mouthwash and brush. It wonย’t happen. I even — and this reflects poorly on me — dumped one young man after seeing pictures of the string of dogs he had dated previously. Maybe he had been slumming it — for his entire life! — or maybe he could see inner beauty; who knows? But these girls, they were like the toilet seat to me. Heย’s gone and itย’s sad, too, because he was a really great guy.

So maybe, you get over your fear of giving him a bit of the R. Kelly action (it ainย’t just your guy who likes it) and youย’ll find you have this really great guy. And youย’ll be really happy. Or maybe you donย’t get over it and you just move on. Iย’m sure there are other people who are into all the kinky things you are. You just have to find them.

Listen:

My 16-year-old daughter has a crush on my boyfriend Bill. I was a young mother and now at 34 am trying to date again. I would do anything for my daughter. I rarely dated when she was younger because I wanted to be there for her.

Iย’m not sure what to do about her crush. She wonย’t admit it to me in the first place. Sheย’s very shy and very sensitive and I donย’t want to see her get hurt again, but this is the man Iย’m seeing. I already had to speak to her about wearing skimpy clothes around the house when Bill is over, but I canย’t stop her from hanging on him or staring at him. Itย’s making both him and myself very uncomfortable. Iย’d hate to think Iย’m going to have to break up with him because my daughter likes him too much. I think he could be a keeper.

Signed,

No Greek Dramas, please

Okay:

So your little Lolita is making a move for your man? This is not good news.

Thereย’s an easy way to solve this in the short term: donย’t bring Bill home. Ever. Unless heย’s married, homeless, or lives in another city, spend time with him at his place. If you have a problem leaving Lolita at home by herself, find a friend to stay with her for the evenings or spend the night while youย’re away.

You deserve to find your own happiness and if itย’s with this man, you need the time to be able to develop that. Without any distractions or weirdness. You donย’t want to put Bill in a place where he has to be brutally honest with your daughter (especially if thereย’s potential step-fathering here) nor do you want to put him in a place where any thing icky might happen.

So keep Bill to yourself. If things start to heat up between the two of you and you want little Lola to spend time with her prospective papa, go out to dinner. A nice restaurant, preferably; see if sheย’d like to bring a date. Until then, make an effort to keep the two separate. Heย’ll be more comfortable and she might lose interest.

This is what I remember about 16: puppy love and crushes. It was always this guy or the next, one after the other. Maybe the last one was cuter or nicer or smarter, but the phrase ย“out of sight, out of mindย” comes up. The one that I always liked the most was the one I had seen the last. Itย’s a good bet if you keep Bill on the DL and donย’t mention his name, sheย’ll start crushing on Bobbie from school. Or Joey who works at the Walgreens.

In the long term, though, I think this crush could be fairly serious. I mean, it might just be that youย’re dating a great guy, someone so wonderful he transcends generations. Or it might be that your daughter feels she has to compete with you or that there are certain ways she should act to gain a manย’s love and attention. I donย’t know how many men youย’ve dated or what the story was with Lolitaย’s father — and Iย’m just a person with a forum — but you might want to make sure this doesnย’t become a theme. Or that sheย’s not out trolling the mall for older men. Letย’s hope Bill is just a really great guy.