I am so worried about Jon and Kate Gosselin. I don’t know what to do except wring my hands and worry myself into the fetal position. Of course, I don’t know who they are, but
still it looks like I should be very, very upset about what is happening to them and
their television show. Are they still married? Are they separated? Is Kate going to be okay? Is Jon out of the
show? It’s all so spellbinding I just can’t wrap my brain around
it.
Would someone please tell me who these people are and why they seem
to be invading my television screen during the times that Law &
Order reruns aren’t on? It’s so American to try to watch a “news”
show that runs a story about hungry children one minute and about these
two people and whatever it is they are doing the next. I blame them for
Gourmet magazine going out of business after 68 wonderful
years.
Yes, an American institution down the toilet, while these two grab
headlines every time one of them takes a dump.
I wonder if they have “de-friended” each other on Facebook. I also
blame Facebook for the demise of Gourmet. I bet not enough
people clicked “Like” on the magazine’s Facebook page because they were
busy wondering when Kate, whoever she is, was going to do something
about that hair of hers that looks like someone on acid got hold of it
with a pineapple peeler. Or they were just too busy Facebooking their
friends to let them know whether they had a good dump or not.
I hate Facebook and I wish it would go away forever. I use it for
work purposes and that’s okay because it costs only time, but
otherwise, I think it stinks. I shouldn’t write something so mean,
because someone sent me a really nice message on Facebook the other
day, about the 20-plus years I’ve been writing for this paper, and it
was very sweet and I was flattered and happy to get it, but I couldn’t
have gotten it without logging in, entering a password, checking this
and checking that and accepting the note and … well, I hope you get
the picture. I also think text messages stink. I know people who sit in
the same room and send each other text messages rather than just
yelling at each other like people should do. And I am very happy that
sending text messages while driving is being outlawed. If only they
could outlaw being stupid while driving we’d all be a lot safer.
Okay, so I don’t really hate Facebook, but I feel such sensory
overload right now I’m overwhelmed. And I don’t want to hear or see
anything more about Jon and Kate, whoever they are. And I don’t care
about their kids. I don’t know who they are either. I just know there
are way too many of them. If they are on a television show that pays
them and that earns advertising revenue, they should be forced to give
most of it to the hungry children whose broadcast news time they are
usurping. Life should be more fair. Why did someone come up with that
saying, “Life isn’t fair”? Why can’t it be? Yes, I know it’s not, but
why the hell can’t someone make it fair? Why do Jon and Kate have all
the props? What exactly have they done in life to get all of this
attention? Who have they helped? What sacrifices have they made? Who in
the ever-lovin’ hell ARE THEY?
I must be getting old. And meaner. Every time there’s an awards show
of any kind and time is dedicated to following “the stars” around on
the red carpet to check out what they’re wearing, I don’t have any idea
who they are. They all seem to be named Kate, though. Is it some new
rule that all young actresses have to be named Kate? There’s nothing
wrong with the name Kate. I have some good friends named Kate. But they
don’t pose on red carpets to show off their designer gowns and act like
people care what they’re wearing. And I wish a fat actress would get a
big break. We need more actresses who are overweight. I’m sick of
looking at rail-thin people on red carpets showing off their designer
gowns while Gourmet magazine is going out of business and
everyone is sending each other text messages and messages on Facebook.
“Kate wrote on your wall.” Well, [expletive] Kate! I don’t care.
I hope she and Jon and those kids end up having to do community service
for the crime of invading my television screen uninvited. Same for the
people on the red carpet. They all look exactly alike and not many of
them can complete a full sentence and they all have the same name so
get them out of my sight. Now. They were all on Sex and the City
and I hate that show. And if they weren’t on that show, they were
desperate housewives of some city. I think every city now has that show
and I hate that show. I don’t care what those people do. They should be
made to volunteer at a homeless shelter and quit griping about life.
[Expletive] them!