Owner of Smitty's Bleaching Clinic, Midtown
Larry: Not sure if you meant 'verity' or 'variety', but it doesn't matter. There is no truth or diverse group of people here.
Jeff: Heart = shattered. Lawsuits forthcoming. Stay tuned.
OK. I'm ready, Flyer. The old Smitty Patterson is no more.
I have completely overhauled my entire look (see new avatar). Also, after careful consideration, I've changed my name to something a bit more trendy and trans-worthy. I looked at Giselle, Alessandra, even Cadence. Then it hit me: Braelynn. Braelynn Patterson. Yes! A brand new me! I feel like lighting up a Virginia Slim and hanging out with Gloria Steinem.
But that's not all. I can't just have a pretty name. I have to look stunning to get nominated for the 'Hotties' issue. So I've been shopping. Mostly Lily Pulitzer, which I just ADORE. In fact, I just ordered the Windsor strapless dress. Color? Parrot pink, silly! The Flyer photographer is going to melt like the wicked witch when he sees me in this thing.
I'm also filming a reality show pilot, 'Call Me Brae.' I think Crackle might be interested.
So, there it is. I have never felt so confident. Let's do this thing, Flyer. I've come a long way, baby.
Still here, Packy, the Boca thing fell through. Been busy readying our new downtown location and working on an extreme self-makeover to impress the Flyer.
Btw, I strongly recommend Itchy stick with the tried and true 'Whip and Chisel' method.
Packy, good to see you commenting again. Hope all is well. We sure miss you at the bleaching clinic.
The Assless Chaps were an underrated band. As they were passing through town a few years back their accordion player came in for a bleaching. Nice guy.
We used to have cockfighting out back at the bleaching clinic. That was before we turned that area into an oyster bar patio.
How many Smittys can there be on a given website? Jesus.
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By Chris Davis, Susan Ellis, Toby Sells, and Maya Smith
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