Very Senior Year

It’s never too late to graduate, and Fred Allen Smalls of Georgetown, South Carolina, is proof. Smalls took the stage at Georgetown High School on Feb. 4, the day before his 106th birthday, to receive an honorary diploma at a ceremony that came to fruition largely due to the efforts of his granddaughter. Smalls completed eighth grade in the 1930s and moved to Washington, D.C., where he worked as a janitor and held several other jobs before beginning a career with the District of Columbia, eventually retiring during the John F. Kennedy administration. WPDE ABC 15 reported that the diploma was “something he’s wished for most of his life.” And the diploma wasn’t the first time Smalls made recent news: In 2023, ABC News recognized him as the oldest Philadelphia Eagles fan. [ABC15, 2/20/2024]

Sticky Situation

A coyote that found itself in an ironic predicament in mid-January has the Humane Animal Welfare Society (HAWS) and the Wildlife in Need Center (WINC) of Waukesha County, Wisconsin, to thank for its rescue — maybe with a little help from above? WDJT in Milwaukee reported that the coyote had gotten its head stuck inside a hollow statue of St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals, while chasing a rabbit. The coyote was spotted dragging the statue and working to free itself, but by the next day, the animal was exhausted and still trapped. HAWS located the coyote and transported it to WINC, where it was freed, treated for minor injuries, and given the nickname “Frannie.” [WDJT CBS 58, 2/12/2024]

Cemetery Shortcut

In the immortal words of Shaggy, “It wasn’t me.” The Lavonia (Georgia) Police Department wants residents to know that a chaotic scene in a local graveyard Feb. 20 had nothing to do with them. “In case you saw or heard the law enforcement commotion,” reads a post on the department’s Facebook page, “well, it wasn’t us.” The commotion in question? Deputies from the Oconee County Sheriff’s Office in neighboring South Carolina had chased a reckless driver across state lines and into the Lavonia City Burgess Cemetery, reports FOX 5 Atlanta. The driver — who was apparently “late for an appointment” — damaged several graves before attempting to flee on foot. Unsuccessfully. [Fox 5, 2/20/2024]

Animal Antics

• Caterina Sevares of Florida had a late-night craving for tacos on Feb. 13, so she did what many of us have probably done: She placed a DoorDash order and hopped in the shower while waiting for her food to be delivered. But when she opened the door to retrieve the Talkin’ Tacos delivery, Fox 35 reported that she was met by three masked bandits — a trio of raccoons who got to her meal first, eating everything but the tortillas. Sevares began to film the carnage but retreated once the raccoons started engaging — one stood up on its hind legs while the other two stared her down. “Once they started hissing, I shut the door so fast. I was like, ‘They can have the carne asada, it’s fine,’” Sevares said. Talkin’ Tacos caught wind of the bandits’ antics after Sevares’ story went viral on TikTok, and sent her a gift card for her troubles. [FOX 35, 2/14/2024]

• Elsewhere in Florida, bears ransacked a woman’s car — on Valentine’s Day, no less. Cassidy Simoes’ boyfriend left chocolates in the front seat of her car the night before, intending to give them to her the next day. But NBC2 reported that at about 3:30 on Valentine’s morning, the couple woke to find the car in bad shape: “Basically, the whole door panel, I can’t even open the door at all or roll the windows down, nothing,” Simoes said. No word on if the chocolates were replaced. [NBC2, 2/14/24]

Bright Idea

On Feb. 19, neighbors in an apartment building in Wejherowo, Poland, became alarmed as a 19-year-old man tried to lead a full-grown horse up the stairs to his third-floor home, Radio Gdansk reported. Police were called to the building and determined that the mare, worth about $3,800, had been stolen. She was returned to the owner, and the horse thief was charged with theft; he faces five years in prison. [Radio Gdansk, 2/21/2024]

© 2024 Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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