News You Can Use
Back off that accelerator if you’re driving through Coffee City, Texas, about three hours north of Houston. Why? The town, with about 250 residents, has 50 full- and part-time police officers, KHOU-TV reported on Aug. 30. The town’s budget reveals that it collected more than $1 million in court fines in 2022, which were the result of more than 5,100 citations the officers wrote. And there’s a tantalizing twist: Most of Coffee City’s officers had been suspended, demoted, terminated, or discharged from previous law enforcement jobs, for reasons including excessive force, public drunkenness, and association with known criminals. “I’ve never seen anything like that in my professional career, and I’ve seen a lot,” said Greg Fremin, a retired Houston Police Department captain. But Coffee City’s police chief, JohnJay Portillo, disagrees: “There’s more to just what’s on paper,” he said. “I try to look at the good in everybody and I believe everybody deserves an opportunity.” Even so, the Texas Commission on Law Enforcement has an open investigation into the tiny community’s big law presence. [KHOU, 8/30/2023]
The Passing Parade
Lee Meyer of Neligh, Nebraska, altered his Ford sedan a few years back, cutting out half the roof and the passenger-side door and adding a farm gate, so that he could drive his Watusi bull in the Kolach Days Parade in Verdigre. (A Watusi bull, for you non-Nebraskans, has large, long horns, similar to a Texas Longhorn.) The bull, Howdy Doody, hitched another ride with Meyer on Aug. 30 on U.S. 275, but the Norfolk police weren’t having it, People reported: “The officer performed a traffic stop and addressed some traffic violations that were occurring with that particular situation,” Capt. Chad Reiman said. “I don’t know why he was doing it that day. I can honestly say that I haven’t seen anything like that before.” Meyer was asked to leave the city and return home with Howdy Doody. [People, 8/31/2023]
Don’t Mind Them
• In Fairfax County, Virginia, on Aug. 22, a man entered a 7-Eleven store and displayed a knife, which was the least interesting part of the robbery, Fox5DC-TV reported. The man, who was described as Hispanic, was wearing a black cowboy hat upon which perched two parrots. Another parrot was riding on the man’s shoulder. The suspect escaped in a blue SUV with an undisclosed amount of money, police said. [Fox5DC, 8/24/2023]
• And in northern England, an unnamed driver was issued a traffic offense report by police after he was observed motoring along the M62 with an African gray parrot on his shoulder, The Guardian reported on Aug. 30. “Animals should be in suitable carriers/restraints so that they don’t interfere with your ability to drive safely,” police posted on X. [Guardian, 8/30/2023]
Walk of Shame
“It’s just a biohazard issue,” the pilot told air traffic control. And indeed, the Delta Airlines Airbus A350 was forced to return to Atlanta after two hours in the air on Sept. 1 after a passenger suffered an “onboard medical emergency”: uncontrollable diarrhea that left the entire length of the aisle covered in fecal matter. The Guardian reported that passengers said the flight crew did everything they could to clean up the mess, including spraying it with scented disinfectant. But that merely made the cabin “smell of vanilla s–t,” one traveler said. Back in Atlanta, passengers, including the afflicted traveler, waited eight hours for the plane to be cleaned up and the aisle carpet to be replaced, then reboarded and were on their way to Barcelona — again. [Guardian, 9/6/2023]
Bright Idea
A 38-year-old man and a 55-year-old woman have been arrested in the central Shanxi province of China, China Daily reported, for digging a shortcut through the Great Wall of China. Local police were alerted to the damage on Aug. 24 and followed tracks from an excavator back to the suspects, who explained that they needed the shortcut to get back and forth to their construction jobs. The Great Wall is a UNESCO World Heritage Site, which has reportedly been “damaged beyond repair.” The two were charged with destroying a cultural relic. [China Daily, 9/4/2023]
NEWS OF THE WEIRD
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