God (R-Heaven) is much on the minds of Republicans these days. For example, He spent a lot of time last week at the Republican Midterm Convention in Dallas, where He was invoked by almost every speaker and given thanks for sending Donald Trump to guide us mere mortals with his brilliant leadership.
One video that was played for the crowd (which included several thousand people cleverly disguised as empty seats) opened with a rumbling voice saying, “On June 14, 1946, God looked down and decided ‘I need a caretaker,’ so God gave us Trump.’” There was no explanation as to why God let Trump grow up and marry three women and cheat on each of them, file for bankruptcy multiple times, create a fake charity and fake university to scam people, and hang out with Jeffrey Epstein and a coterie of underage girls before putting His ‘caretaker’ into action 70 years later. But, well, God moves in mysterious ways — kind of like Trump’s hair.
In Tennessee, Republicans fervently believe God supports Evangelical Christian (and pro-death-penalty) Governor Bill Lee and that God is also backing Senator Marsha Blackburn to replace Lee in the race for governor against Democrat Jerri Green of Memphis.
Blackburn opened her campaign a few weeks ago by proclaiming that she was sponsoring legislation in the Senate to (sic) “Keep Biological Men Out of the Daughters of the American Revolution,” which gets funnier every time you read it. At any rate, it’s an issue most Tennesseans surely have at the top of their list of concerns right now.
Blackburn then proclaimed her goal that “Tennessee should be the number-one Christian conservative state,” which would be quite a contrast to the ranking Tennessee got in a July CNBC study that named it the “50th-worst state in the U.S. for quality of life,” due to its low rankings for education, healthcare accessibility, crime, drug-related deaths, worker protections, reproductive rights, and legislation targeting the LGBTQ community. All of these factors, CNBC said, can negatively impact businesses’ decisions to locate in the state.
Gee, I wonder which party has been in control of Tennessee’s government for the past 20 years. Oh well. No matter. The important thing is that Blackburn will ban transgender women from the DAR (whose membership voted to accept them) and keep the communists from taking over.
In fact, Blackburn is so concerned about communists that she says it’s the reason she’s refusing to debate Green, because “it would give a platform to a communist and socialist.” Of course, communists and socialists are not the same thing and Green is neither, but “SCARY TRANSGENDER STUFF AND THE COMMUNISTS ARE COMING AND JEEBUS IS NUMBER ONE” seems to be Blackburn’s official platform and she’s sticking to it. It’s cowardly and insults the intelligence of the voters but what else is new? Green, on the other hand, is talking about actual issues. Crazy, I know.
So let’s review: The Cult of Republicanism now believes that God sent Trump to save mankind, much as He did with “his only begotten son,” according to all the Sunday school teachers I listened to growing up. It therefore must follow that God is in favor of war in the Middle East, executing people in small boats on the open sea, unchecked pollution of our air and water, the destruction of national parks, unrestricted data centers, Fox News, and more tax cuts for billionaires.
Republican God is opposed to solar energy, windmills, gun laws, electric boats (?), immigration of non-white people, unions, abortion, gay marriage, doing anything about global warming, and taxing billionaires. And the release of the Epstein files. Amen.
Trump ended his final convention speech last week by demanding that his spellbound audience of glazed mouth-breathers raise their hands and repeat after him: “I pledge to the greatest president in the history of the United States, that loves us so much he can’t even breathe …”
After that weird start, it went on and on. With Trump finally telling his audience (and their tired arms) to bring friends and family to vote, even if they had to “cheat like hell,” before ending his pledge with, “So help me, God.”
The truth is, he could have ended it with, “So help me, Me,” and no one in the crowd would have blinked an eye. So, maybe help us, God. Seriously. This joke has gone on far too long.
