Here’s the latest news from Florida, the cutting edge of “conservative” politics, where Governor (and GOP presidential candidate in waiting) Ron DeSantis is determined to stamp out “wokism” in all its terrifying forms and get his name in the news as often as possible.
Last spring, at DeSantis’ urging, the state passed its own version of the “Don’t Say Gay” act, which bans mentioning sexual orientation or gender identity in any manner deemed to be against state standards in schools, and prohibits public schools from adopting procedures that maintain the confidentiality of a disclosure by a student of their sexuality or gender.
Last week, because DeSantis was apparently not content to limit his interest in harassing transgender students to undergraduates, the governor requested data on the number of students who have been diagnosed with gender dysphoria or who have received treatment in university clinics across the state.
Also, last week, in an even more stunning development, Florida banned the teaching of AP classes on African-American history in the state’s high schools. The department of education said the curriculum “is inexplicably contrary to Florida law and significantly lacks educational value.”
So, to review: In Florida, you can’t say gay or Black in schools because teaching about LGBTQ+ issues or Black history is “woke” and might make straight white people sad. Or have to think. Or learn something.
DeSantis is also now pushing for a bill that would give discounts to those wanting to buy a gas stove because gas stoves were a momentary thing that woke people were supposedly woke about last week, due to a study that revealed gas stoves can leak methane into people’s homes. It was all over Fox News, and Tucker Carlson made hay with the “issue” for several nights. Conservatives went on Twitter and dared liberals to come and take their stoves. Liberals were like, “What? Nobody wants your stupid stove, gas boy.” So the issue went away after a few days.
By the way, if you want to see what DeSantis is going to be outraged about next, you can just watch ol’ Tucker. Unbelievably, in recent days, Carlson’s been saying how good cigarettes are for America, how the country was built on smoking. This was in response to House Republicans opening a smoking lounge in the Capitol building. So maybe DeSantis will put gas stoves and cigarettes on a plane to Massachusetts. That should trigger the woke folks, right?
I know, I know, it’s hard to keep up with these fools, but here’s a handy list of woke things conservatives are (or have been) worried about in recent times: the feminization of Mr. Potato Head, the feminization of M&Ms cartoon characters (a Carlson favorite), Dr. Seuss’ Sneetches, gay Teletubbies, drag queens (including, amazingly, the movie Mrs. Doubtfire), litter boxes in schools for students “who identify as cats,” the word Latinx (banned in Arkansas by new Governor Sarah Huckabee Sanders), the emasculation of alpha males by aggressive liberal women, bare arms on females (banned in the Missouri legislature), and, of course, the all-time woke pisser-offer — pronouns.
To be accurate, these are usually the kinds of trendy topics that get a lot of air-time in the right-wing news silo for a while, then fade as they lose their usefulness — or people finally see through the charade. (Is “charage” a word? It should be.)
There is, of course, a more durable outrage list that gets tapped when the base rubes really need an anger fix. These include: abortion (and nonexistent “post-birth abortions”), the morning-after pill and other contraceptives, immigrants (non-white), Covid vaccines (they kill people), crime waves (in Democrat cities), gas prices (Joe’s fault), books about sex or race, the “myth” of global warning, and “Critical Race Theory” (which isn’t taught in public schools and which no conservative can actually explain but is really scary).
So, that’s a lot of woke stuff, right? What does it mean if none of it scares or triggers you? Are you still woke? I’m pretty sure I am, but maybe it’s because I’ve come to think being woke simply means that you believe in science, medicine, education, research, fact-based reporting, and the importance of being open to new information. Honestly, I think being woke is what we used to call “normal,” before so many got sucked into their own social media bubbles by charlatans and grifters. At its heart, maybe being woke is simply being unafraid to call “bullshit” when you see it.
