Sunday, January 23, 2011
Landmarks The Lauderdale Mausoleum at Elmwood
Posted by Vance Lauderdale on Sun, Jan 23, 2011 at 12:07 AM
We had a bit of a dispute, you may recall, with cemetery officials and the Land Use Control Board, over the amount of neon signage that would be allowed on the roof, spelling out "LAUDERDALE." Eventually we reached a compromise; the 12-foot-high neon letters would be acceptable as long as they didn't actually flash on and off.
When finished, the magnificent building — sheathed in the finest vinyl siding — will contain more bricks than the old Sears Crosstown, and will be large enough to hold precisely 156,784 people, expected to come from all corners of the globe to pay tribute to the Lauderdales and study the beautiful mosaic panels telling the story of our accomplishments in America. Plus, there will be punch and candy.
I'll post another photograph, next time in color, as the structure nears completion.
Oh, I can't wait to go there!
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Let's just hope the neon doesn't go out in the "R" and the second "D" ... LAUDE ALE
You might have to get more punch and cookies.
Peter, a building this size wasn't designed to hold funerary urns. Rather, it will display the taxidermied, full-size remains of the Lauderdales, arranged in interesting and informative tableaux.
Plus there will be a gift shop.
Will you be selling action figures? Or, perhaps inaction figures would be more appropriate?
You could get a 14 foot-high replica of your head on the roof a la "The Old Master Says" from this past MBQ mag. It could possibly rotate so you can be the master of all you survey... possibly with lights in the eyes to act as a beacon for all the mourners. The tableaux could possibly be rearranged on a seasonal basis... Christmas, July 4th bathing suits, Thanksgiving dinner scene, your birth in the manger and so on. I think you may need to skip Mardi Gras though, don't want to be accused of poor taste just to get beads. In my mind I see you rising from a chair to give a speech just like Abe Lincoln at EPCOT. Have you worked out a deal with the Memphis CVB? They may need to get hotels built in the neighborhood of Elmwood to handle the crowds (apart from the "Coach and Four"). Don't forget to exit through the gift shop!
We wish you God's speed on your quest to get there ASAP!
Would the head be a bobble-head?That would be Tres Clique. Then the boys and girls could come at midnight and bask in the light of the neon and the Giant Head. They could repeat a mantra and drink the Kool-aid (Gin & Tonic or some other cocktail). They would all be official Mempho-maniacs. All of this would be accomplished by the Lauderdale servants (that weren't entombed with Vance, like a Pharaoh or demi-god, to care for him in the afterlife) and would be perpetual.
Dear Vance,
Thoroughly enjoyed your too rare public appearance at the book/calendar signing, I hope there will be another book forthcoming soon. I must congratulate you on the design of the Lauderdale Mausoleum, it appears to combine a visionary leadership in patronage of the fine arts with the tradition of understated elegance which our community has come to associate, nay, expect, from your family. I have not seen the plans for the interior yet, but I can only hope that they include provision for the purveyance of Kentucky nip so that we may drink a toast to those who have gone before.
Your old school chum
