Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Bianca Knows Best ... and Helps a "Spinster"
Posted by Bianca Phillips on Tue, Aug 10, 2010 at 2:39 PM
Dear Bianca,
My best friend of 10 years announced over the weekend that she’s getting married. She’s been dating the same guy for several years and they’ve finally decided to take the next step.
I adore her boyfriend (now fiancee, I guess), but I’m opposed to the idea of marriage. It seems like an antiquated tradition and I’ve never been fond of bowing to convention. She’s expressed similar ideas in the past, and I always thought my BFF and I would be spinsters forever. We’re 30 now, by the way, and I realize that I’m living in some crazy single-lady fantasy world.
I want to be happy for her, but I guess I’m worried that she’ll change after she gets married. So many of our friends have gotten married over the years and they totally changed when they started having kids. What if she has kids and starts acting all lame and grown up? Who will be my drinking buddy? Am I the one who needs to grow up?
— Losing My Best Friend
Dear Losing,
I personally advocate for cohabitation over marriage, so I definitely see where you’re coming from. And I’m also a bit opposed to the idea of straight people getting married when our gay brothers and sisters are denied that same right.
But if your friend’s been with her fiancee for years, I honestly doubt she’ll change much after he puts a ring her finger. Marriage is only a symbolic gesture. It means they’ll get tax breaks, a bad-ass cake, an awesome party, and free kitchen appliances. But it doesn’t mean your friend will change.
I suspect that the friends you referenced who have changed after having kids were more affected by the added responsibility of caring for offspring. Just because your friend is tying the knot doesn’t mean she’ll be popping out babies right away ... or at all. For now, your BFF will likely remain your number one drinking buddy. It’s the pregnant ladies that can’t drink, not married ones. Remember that. If she does get knocked up later, you’ve got a reliable designated driver for at least nine months.
You have the right to live your life however you want. You don’t have to get married or have kids. But you don't have the right to dictate how your friends live. Just be happy for your best friend. And if it doesn’t work out between she and her new husband, you can say “I told you so” later.
Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com.
Comments (7)
Showing 1-7 of 7
like
dislike
Loser would have been a better name than Losing. As in:
Dear Loser,
When you're young and stupid you often say young and stupid things and declare you will never do anything that, later in life, you end up doing - like getting married, having kids, working at a job that doesn't require a hair net and name tag. Yah, it happens. At 30, some women start feeling that urge to procreate. Then, at some point, they look back on their 20 year old selves and think, gosh, I really was naive, self-centered and obnoxious. And then they look at their friends who are still just as naive, self-centered and obnoxious as they were ten years ago and they think, damn, isn't it sad? Poor Loser, I hope she gets a life some day but I can't wait for her to find it.
And there you are, ten years after that, still sitting at the end of the bar every Friday night, but now you're 40 and the guys that hit on you aren't as cute as they used to be. And even though you aren't as cute as you used to be either, you still feel like a 20 year old. Maybe two 20-year-olds. You order another cosmo and look at your bitter reflection in the mirror and think, Geez, all my friends have changed.
But if you can hang on until you're 50, the kids will be grown, they'll be divorced and looking for a good time again.
Good luck wif that!
Friends fall by the wayside. That's just a fact of living. Then we die. Meanwhile, drink up!
THIS WEEK'S ISSUE
SPECIAL ISSUES
