It's the time of year when we celebrate love. Or something. So, uh... here you go...
Hey girl, they should call you Charlie Rose, 'cause I like falling asleep while you talk.
Hey girl, they should call you Captain Crunch, 'cause I want to wake up to you.
Hey girl, they should call you Fred Sanford, 'cause I'd like you to handle my junk.
Hey girl, they should call you a cab, so you can come to my house and get busy.
Hey girl, what's your sign? I hope it's DIVIDED HIGHWAY because I have a road sign fetish.
Hey girl, you're prettier than that girl in those ads for the Kindle feature where you get help from a live person right on the damn Kindle.
Hey girl, they should call you Jabba, 'cause I'd love to have you all up in my hut.
Hey girl, I hope you like ham sandwiches because that's what I made for dinner.
Hey girl, I hope you like reality TV because I'm the Biggest Loser.
Hey girl, I wouldn't mind being a Corvette if you were a sinkhole.
Hey girl, if loving you ain't logical, then just call me Evil Spock. You know, from that episode where everybody was opposite and all.
Hey girl, if they had a bootylicious olympics, you'd have a high medal count.
Hey girl, i was nice to you for a few minutes back in middle school, you owe me.
Hey girl, do you like chicken? I'm a vegan you disgust me.
Hey girl, let's play Dominos and get this done in 30 minutes or less.
Hey girl, do you like portmanteaus? Because I wanna smang it baby.
Hey girl, you must be gluten free...seriously you MUST be, because I am Highly intolerant.
Hey girl, are you on Game of Thrones, because I have no idea who you are or what your name is.
Hey girl, if love were candy corn, then I'd have a bag and a half when I'm around you.
Hey girl, are you Brian Kelsey, because you have turned the gay away. (Yeah, we know, we know...)
Hey girl, they should call your bed Disney World, because it's the happiest place on Earth. Also due to the lines.
Okay, that's the best we can do. You're on your own from here. And remember, a *cold uninterested stare is still a response.
The rain is coming down, slow and persistent from a low gray sky. It soaks the grass, fills the gutters, and falls hard on the flowers left on the Beale Street sidewalk outside of B.B. King's club ...