• "After a few drinks the girls look hotter and the music sounds better. Just remember: If your judgement is impaired, so is your driving."In other words, "Bruh, you remember that Coyote morning you had with the fatty/uggo/feminzi? A DUI is like, — worse."
• "Buy a drink for a marginally good-looking girl, only to find out she's chatty, clingy, and your boss's daughter."Isn't this the setup for an Andrew Dice Clay joke?
• "Ask a married woman for her phone number in front of her large, muscle-bound, skull-tattooed husband."Okay, this one is only marginally sexist, assuming the little lady requires a hyper-masculine protector, and won't Krav Maga any fool that offers to buy her an appletini. It's also the kind of joke a drunk makes to other drunks, about other drunks, right before ordering one for the road.
Time moves in one direction, memory in another. — William Gibson
This week, an old friend sent me a photo of myself, circa 1978. In the picture, I was thin, long-haired, and standing barefoot on the porch of an old farmhouse where we lived, just outside of Columbia, Missouri. It was a shock to see it. I don't remember my friends and I taking many photographs, and I didn't remember this moment ...