Tuesday, October 27, 2009
In Stunning Accomplishment, Herenton Reverses Flow of Time, Vindicating Einstein
Posted by Jackson Baker on Tue, Oct 27, 2009 at 6:06 PM
- Physics pathfinders Einstein (left) and Herenton
Former Memphis mayor Willie Herenton seems to have done just that — or to have given the concept a good college try — in his letter to U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder, released Tuesday.
In the letter, which follows one to him from the U.S. Attorney's office formally confirming that he is a target of investigation, Herenton complains to Holder that the probe, into a business transaction of his involving the relocation of a Greyhound Bus terminal, represents “a well-orchestrated attempt to influence the outcome of the Congressional election next year.”
Herenton goes on to allege that “the involvement of law enforcement agencies and the Justice Department in local politics and in attempting to influence the outcome of an election is not only unethical but also crosses the line of acceptable political discourse."
The problem with this is that the first news reports of the Justice Department probe -- into Herenton’s complicated involvement for profit with the sale of the Greyhound property, which then mayor Herenton had advocated on public-policy grounds -- appeared in The Commercial Appeal in January, while the mayor’s declaration of a congressional candidacy did not come until April, a full three months later.
Until we see the former mayor’s proofs, we will have to take it on faith that he has indeed reversed the processes of causation and time, so that events under way in January were somehow brought into being by another event considerably later in time.
At such time as these proofs emerge, and in light of high honors recently won by other notable politicians (yes, we’re talking about President Obama’s Nobel Peace Prize), we are prepared to insist, in all fairness, that our former mayor be given serious consideration for the Nobel Prize in physics.
Meanwhile, there are skeptics who would suggest that traidtional chronology should apply here, and that Herenton's accusation is in fact a red herring designed to discredit the federal investigation, or even that his announcement of a congressional race itself was such a red herring, desiged to deflect the consequences of an already ongoing investigation.
We would suggest that such skeptics should furnish their own proofs — with or without the assistance of the Justice Department.
And, er, yes, folks, this article is a spoof. Or at least we think we're kidding!
But former mayor Herenton is not. He made the claims reported here in dead seriousness.
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I wonder what drug Herenton uses or if he has mastered refuting the theory of relativity with his egomania or ingenuity...I do hope I'm kidding, too!
Herenton's ego is definitely large enough to have an effect on the spacetime continuum.
Being serious and being taken seriously are two different things, particularly in court...
I wonder if he will try to convince a judge that My Harrison, Eric Holder and their boss are just trying to oppress minoritiees.?
if the river starts flowing backwards we'll know he's on to something.
It's absolutely absurd. The only campaign Herenton is running right now is a campaign to contaminate the jury pool. He took his pension in a lump sum because he can't collect it in jail. Now he's trying to pretend that a criminal investigation started three months before he announced he was running for Congress is being used as a political weapon.
What's next? I shouldn't even ask...
Excellent article, JB. We need more people to call him out on his BS.
JB: You're obviously just a "hater."
Marion Barry gives him his crack and political strategy.
Nuff said....
"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
JB, thanks for starting my day with a laugh - very good!
Herenton's Theory of Relativity:
E[go] = M[egomaniacally]C[ognitively]impaired
Wow! Maybe Joe Frazier decked him in a parallel Universe
PLEASE, HERENTON, JUST GO AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe if we reverse the flow of the river, it will so confuse him he will move to West Memphis.
Just another case of the "man" trying to keep Willie down.
The "man" can't keep a "real black man" down.
Yeah the man is really holding Willy down. Let’s see, the head of the local FBI office is Black, her boss the Attorney General is black, and the AG's boss the President is Black. Oh My God, it’s a conspiracy the black man against Willey……. Oh wait…….. Well maybe Prince Mongo’s Alien’s have morphed into the likeness of AG Holder and President Obama……. Oh Yeah……. I’m sure that is what has happened.
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