Sunday, May 23, 2010

Lost Finale (Incorrect-Spoiler Alert)

Posted By on Sun, May 23, 2010 at 3:29 PM

lost-spoilers1.jpg
Before the last season of Lost started, I made some predictions about what would happen during the course of the season. I was proved comically incorrect, one by one, throughout the last few months. Actually, I got one right — that Jack would replace Jacob, which any idiot could've guessed.

So, in advance of tonight's multi-hour series finale event, why not toss out a last batch of Lost predictions which will be proved hilariously wrong soon enough. This gets the usual spoiler alert: I never read what other people think is going to happen, so these stupid ideas are my own and not based upon anyone else's more informed guesses. If you've never watched the show, the following will read like gobbledygook produced by a noun generator.

— Jack won't be Jacob 2.0 for long. His election was rather easy and lacking in dramatic tension. He'll die (foreshadowed by the flash-sideways necks bleeds) and have to be replaced by one of the remaining candidates, who'll have a trickier time volunteering.

— The smoke monster proceeds to kill the rest of the candidates. Then, the smoke monster "wins," in some manner of speaking. He destroys the island. He defeats Jacob's Plan A: the candidates.

— In getting off the island, in some way the flash sideways is created. The flash sideways is part of the consequence of smoke monster destroying the island. The "hell" he creates destroys the original timeline universe as we know it. The reality of seasons one through five and all the people in it are effectively nullified. In its place, a new reality is made: the flash sideways. In this existence, all of the principles in the Lost story have been given access to the one thing they truly want. This is a temptation (the last temptation of the Christs?), and this reality will continue so long as the characters are satisfied with what is happening in it and don't try to fight against it. (The discussion between Desmond and Eloise at that party set-up earlier this season is the lynchpin for this theory.)

— The smoke monster wins. Except for Jacob's Plan B, his fail safe: Desmond.

— The flash-sideways universe is part of the FUTURE, not strictly an alternate reality. Desmond, hopping between the regular reality and the flash sideways, is in fact hopping through time like he always does. He's not traveling between realities, but to different times. The future time, which is the flash sideways, and the past, which is the stuff happening on the island. When the island was under the water at the beginning of season six, it's because it had just been destroyed by the smoke monster, and this new reality was begun.

— Desmond is "waking up" the people in the flash sideways. To thwart the smoke monster in the end, somehow. Not sure how all that works.

— The smoke monster is stopped after what happens at the big party in the flash sideways. Jack's there with his son and ex-wife (Juliet, I think). His son's piano teacher, Daniel Faraday, is there. Dogen and his son. Miles and his girlfriend (don't know who that could be — have we seen Dorrit in the flash sideways?) Charlotte, Penny, Charles and Eloise, Miles' dad, Kate and Hurley, Sayid and Desmond. Don't know how Jin and Sun and Locke and Ben get there, but they will.

— Ben hasn't gone bad. He got his long-sought revenge on Charles. Now he's just playing the smoke monster until things become more advantageous. He isn't a threat to Jack and Hurley et al.

— Sawyer, somehow, will end up staying on the island to protect it. He'll be the one to stay.

— Desmond will have to go into the light to save the island. Except that it won't turn him into a smoke monster like it did Jacob's brother (and their adopted mom, though not sure if they'll go so far as to explain that she was a smoke monster, too).

Questions I'd like answered:
— What was up with Walt?
— Is Christian as important as he seemed for so long? (is he a deus ex machina in some way?)
— Was the Dharma Initiative more important than just an awesome red herring that spanned several seasons?
— Tunisia? Tawaret?
— Other stuff too.

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