It’s been reported that Memphis Light, Gas and Waterยs Allen Power Plant generates electricity by supplementing its normal fuel source ย coal ย with methane gas from the cityยs wastewater treatment facility.
If methane gas is indeed a good source of energy, then we are missing out on a huge, untapped supply in Memphis. Namely, all the men, women, children, cows, horses, pigs, and other living creatures that populate this region. The topic of methane gas production ย a normal byproduct of digestion ย is not usually discussed at scientific conferences or Sunday dinners with the parson, since it is normally known by another term entirely: flatulence.
But considering the high cost of our utility bills lately, we say now is not the time to be squeamish about such matters. And if methane can help lower our bills, and considering our cityยs penchant for bringing in consultants to help us with just about anything and everything, the Flyer strongly recommends that we lure out of retirement a uniquely qualified individual who goes by the name of Mr. Methane.
We neednยt go into this gentlemanยs qualifications here, except to note that anyone whose rรฉsumรฉ includes such terms as ยperformance flatulist,ย ยtrouser trumpeting,ย ยcolonic comedy,ย and ย our favorite ย ยcontrolled anal voicingย can surely help us increase our own cityยs methane supply. After all, heยs made a good living by taking advantage of his own, often-prodigious methane production. Surely he can help us with ours.
For more about the amazing Mr. Methane (and a good source of CD and other fart-related gifts), visit www.MrMethane.com.
If anything else, the MLGW board meetings should definitely be more entertaining.
ย Michael Finger
