From sand in an hourglass, to a sundial, to the early morning cock-a-doodle-doo, as the times have changed, so have our methods of tracking it. Recently, discussions of unplugging the clock on daylight savings time have become a popular debate. No matter which side you’re on, the big hand or the little hand, we should all sound the alarm on a time worth saving: “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere.” It’s our answer to the age-old question, “Is it too early to drink?” We used to say it when we used to drink.
Yes, we used to drink. According to a 2025 Gallup poll, the percentage of U.S. adults who say they consume alcohol has fallen to 54 percent, the lowest in Gallup’s nearly 90-year history. Gallup has tracked Americans’ drinking habits since 1939, the same year Gone with the Wind and The Wizard of Oz premiered in theaters. It used to be, “There’s no place like home, especially if there’s a six-pack in the fridge.” Now it’s a horse of a different color.
Gallup also reported that even Americans who still drink are drinking less. The average number of drinks consumed in a week dropped to 2.8, the lowest since 1996. The highest average number of adult beverages drank happened in 2003 at 5 per week. That was before Uber and Lyft were available. In 2003, after a night of drinking your options were an expensive cab, a designated driver, or your most sober friend at the time. An old friend once told me, “You’re too drunk to drive when you can’t remember how to spell your name backwards.” I miss my old friend Bob.
Moderate drinkers are beginning to get hammered by health concerns over drinking. According to the same poll, the belief that a few drinks a week is bad for health also rose to a new high of 53 percent. No one is suggesting you tell your liver to stop being a whiny little toddler, but is moderate drinking really bad for you? Life is rough. People need something to take the stress off. After an hour a day avoiding death on the I-240 Motor Speedway, two glasses of wine should be mandatory self-therapy.
Bars and restaurants have had to adjust drink selections to include mocktails and non-alcoholic beer to meet the demand of the surge of the sober-curious crowd. Sometimes, you just crave that irresistible palatable beer taste without the buzz. Shirley Temples, Mock Mules, Phony Negronis, Virgin Mojitos, Virgin Marys (basically, ketchup on the rocks), and non-alcoholic pilsners, IPAs, stouts, and hefeweizens used to be unheard of. Now they’ve been seen in more bars than Judge Karen Sanders (allegedly).
An argument can be made that the decline in American alcohol consumption is just a trend. We do live in a monkey see, monkey do environment. In 1939, the national goldfish swallowing competition spread quickly across college campuses. In 1975, we saw the pet rock sell for $4 during the holiday season. In the 1980s, the most popular hairstyle consisted of short hair on the head with a thin strand of hair hanging down the back of the neck, appropriately called the rat tail. In 1993, pellet-filled plush toys called Beanie Babies became a collectible phenomenon. Hopefully, the sober phase will one day soon fall off the wagon. I’ll drink to that.
Millions of Americans struggle with alcoholism. If someone is a recovering alcoholic, their health is on the decline, or every time they pass out drunk their buddies draw male genitals on their face, being sober is probably the best bet for them. The world needs sober people. Somebody has to drive the rest of us home.
As the ad says, “Drink responsibly.” There’s no need to walk around smelling and looking like you fell in the Mississippi River and Bill Dance didn’t fish you out until six weeks later. Avoid pressing the send button to message you-know-who. Passing out on the kitchen floor should happen no more than two to three times a week, maybe a few more times during the holidays. Don’t be a dead drunk, but do drink until you die. Enjoy your booze, because no cool story ever started with, “Hold my non-alcoholic beer.”
Buddy Jones is a longtime Memphis bartender and comedian who hosts a weekly comedy night at Peoples on Beale.
