Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Bianca Knows Best ... And Helps a Possessive Chick

Posted By on Tue, Nov 10, 2009 at 2:42 PM

Dear Bianca,

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a month now, and I think I’m really falling for him. I feel so happy when we’re together, which is something I haven’t felt for awhile. I’m 18 years old and about to graduate from high school, but he’s 21.

Despite my feelings for him, I’ve noticed a slight change in his behavior lately. He acts like he’s not as into me as he once was. So I’m a little worried that he’s cheating on me or maybe that he’s just lost interest. He says he hasn’t lost interest, but I don’t believe him. He does talk about other girls, but he says they’re just friends.

I really need him, and I’m totally freaking out. How can I make him love me? My happiness depends on this relationship. If you tell me I should leave him, I won’t do it. I won’t leave him unless I really catch him cheating or if he breaks up with me. What should I do?

— Hopelessly In Love

Dear Hopeless,

Love is a tricky thing. It has to come from both sides in a relationship or it’s just not going to work. That’s a universal truth that you have no choice but to accept.

But don’t give up hope just yet. You’ve only been with this guy for a month. You may truly be in love or you may just be infatuated. It’s hard to say after only a month.

What you see as him “losing interest” might actually mean that he’s just getting comfortable in the relationship. The need to see each other every minute tends to wear off after a while. (If he sticks with you, you’ll eventually have to deal with worse. He’ll probably start farting around you; he might get fat. That’s when your love for him will really be tested.)

The fact that he talks about other girls doesn’t mean he’s cheating on you. If he was cheating, do you think he’d talk about those other girls in front of you? Doubtful.

If he says he’s still into you, then he’s probably telling the truth. So long as he returns your phone calls and makes an effort to hang out with you regularly, your relationship is probably okay.

But regardless, it sounds like you have some serious dependency issues. Your happiness shouldn’t totally depend on your boyfriend. That’s extremely dangerous. If he does break up with you, it sounds like your world may turn upside down. And if you’re too absorbed and emotionally dependent on him, that sort of thing will push a guy away quickly.

No matter what happens with this relationship, I’d suggest seeing a psychiatrist for some self-confidence 101.

Got a problem? E-mail Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com

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