Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Bianca Knows Best … And Helps an On-Again, Off-Again Boyfriend

Posted By on Tue, Nov 16, 2010 at 12:45 PM

Dear Bianca,

I’ve been dating this girl for about a year, off and on. Our relationship has been like a roller coaster the entire time. We break up, make up, and get back together, only to break up again a few months later.

When we fight, we hate each other. But as soon as we break up and get a little time a part, we can’t stand to be away. I don’t know anyone else with a crazy relationship like this, but it seems to work for us.

My friends have been encouraging me to find another girl and move on. They’re tired of hearing me whine every time we break up. I can understand where they’re coming from, but I really love this girl. And I think she loves me.

Is it okay to stay in this crazy relationship? Or should I pack up, move on, and try to find someone a little more stable?

-- Happy for Now

Dear Happy for Now,

It sounds like you’re not ready to leave this situation just yet. But if the pattern continues, this roller coaster of a relationship could cause serious problems in the future.

What if you two decide to get married. Say you stay together long enough to knock the lady up, but you start to fight again after the kid comes. I once knew a couple who had a similar relationship pattern of breaking up and making up, and their pre-teen daughter was often stuck right in the middle. Today, that daughter is all grown up and still dealing with her parents’ on-again, off-again drama.

It’s possible that things aren’t working out because you’re not compatible with this girl. Maybe you do love her, but the key to making a relationship work is not just love. It’s compatibility.

If, however, you’re not looking to settle down anytime soon, then staying in the relationship might work for you. If the good times are worth a few bad times here and there, go for it. But don’t expect to build a life with this lady.

Got a problem? Email Bianca at bphillips@memphisflyer.com.

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